BRIEF REVIEW:
I'M NOT RACIST, I'M JUST A DEVOTED REPUBLICAN. AND YES, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE I SWEAR TO GOD, AS I TYPE IN THIS OUTSKIRT FARM IN KANSAS. I HAVE NEVER MET A BLACK PERSON IN MY LIFE BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF ONE EVER APPEAR IN MY AGRICULTURAL TERRITORY I'LL HUNT IT DOWN WITH A SHOTGUN SO FAST HE'LL BE DOWN ON THE GROUND BEFORE HE CAN SAY NIGGA WUT!!!
I'M SO MUCH MORE REDNECK THAN A FUCKING RAPED PROM QUEEN WITH A SLIT THROAT TRAVELLING ALONE AT 2:30 AM AT NIGHT. I MEAN I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO USE A KNIFE, I JUST GAVE HER SO MANY HICKIES THAT I ENDED UP SEVERING HER FUCKING NECK IN HALF. THEN I PAID A TRIBUTE TO SLIPKNOT BY FUCKING HER SLICED NECK WOUND. YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY I GOT PIECES OF A DEAD CORPSE IN MY TUMMY!
101 Rules of Christian Hardcore/Metalcore
by Dan Terry (aka criesfrommypast THE FAGGOT)
1. One word Zao.
2. Two words Living Sacrifice.
3. If a band uses any kind of profanity ever under any circumstances they are not a "Christian band".
4. Unless its Zao, cuz then you are just talking trash with your hands.
5. You cried when Living Sacrifice broke up.
6. You rejoiced when Living Sacrifice reunited after only 5 years.
7. You tell your friends that you love technical death metal like As I Lay Dying.
8. Killswitch Engage is NOT a Christian band(see rule 3)
9. Breakdowns rule you.
10. You cried when Josh left Norma Jean
11. You cried when Josh started The Chariot
12. All of your albums must be released by Solid State, Facedown, or Blood and Ink, no exceptions.
13. Claim you supported Underoath back when they were black metal.
14. Constantly complain about how Emo is ruining metalcore.
15. Listen to some Blessthefall to make yourself feel better.
16. Destroy the Runner sounds nothing like As I Lay Dying.
17. Never listen to End of Destiny, they are the poor mans Underoath.
18. Never refer to your favorite bands as metalcore, always use words like thrash, death metal, and grindcore.
19. When listening to real thrash, death, and grindcore bands be sure to ask why they dont play breakdowns like real metal bands.
20. Always tell people you listen to death metal.
21. Remember your hair cannot and will not have a consistent part.
22. Never under any cirucmstances listen to Emo.
23. Go listen to some Underoath and Emery
24. Shout at the bands between songs they love it.
25. OMG! Oh, Sleeper!
26. Describe all traditional thrash and death metal as boring and uninspired.
27. Then pop in some Destroy The Runner to cleanse your ears.
28. You refuse to aknowledge that Hopesfall put out anything after No Wings to Speak Of.
29. Tell people you hate black metal because of the bad production.
30. Then promptly pop in The Chariot and kick back.
31. Put away that Killswtich Engage Record! Now! Drop it! Step back!
32. Adam D from Killswitch Engage must produce your album.
33. You cannot listen to any non Christian metalcore, unless its The Agony Scene.
34. Tell everyone that Haste the Day died after Jimmy Ryan left.
35. The Famine is not just Embodyment with deeper vocals, unless you think it is.
36. Refer to anything you dont like as "meh"
37. Constantly complain that Solid State's roster is going downhill.
38. Go to Best Buy every Tuesday to get the latest Solid State releases for only $9.99!
39. Remember that if youre a new band and this is your first album you must always be heavier and more hardcore than all the other bands on the label.
40. If other bands use fists, you use knives
41. If other bands use knives, you use guns
42. If other bands use guns, you use guns that shoot chainsaws!
43. If you dont feel like spelling your bands name over again, just use upper and lower case Xx, people will know what you mean.
44. A standard graphics toolbox for t shirts and websites include pictures of flowers, girls crying, and floating hearts.
45. If you are actually heavy, throw in a butcher knife or chainsaw for good measure.
46. If being metalcore doesnt work out for you, go southern rock.
47. Call yourself Kentucky Fried Hardcore, especially if youre from Maine or California.
48. Only be from the United States.
49. ZOMG! Oh, Sleeper!
50. If you dont have a job make sure to blog surf for free album downloads!
51. Constantly complain that other people arent supporting the scene.
52. Constantly complain that bands never come to your home town.(Make sure to be from a major city)
53. Constantly complain about people who constantly complain.
54. Tell everyone how youve been into metal since you were in school, especially if your still in school.
55. Secretly you wish that your favorite bands would sign to a bigger label and add some more singing.
56. Tell everyone how awesome the new Demon Hunter is.
57. 4 weeks after the ablum hits stores simply tell everyone how "meh" it is.
58. You refer to bands like Living Sacrifice, BTA, and Demon Hunter as "real metal"
59. Demon Hunter is wicca!
60. You have a Demon Hunter Tattoo(its on their website I can prove it)
61. Constantly tell people that Cory from Norma Jean is better than Josh, but listen to Redeemer and Oh God The Aftermath exactly never.
62. Light Blue Collar is the only Luti Kriss song you like.
63. Always refer to Luti Kriss as Norma Jean just to confuse people.
64. Remember when writing breakdowns you are trying to meet a quota.
65. You swear With Blood Comes Cleansing must be getting a bonus check for every breakdown.
66. You cant figure out why you like pig squeals, you just do.
67. Anybody who doesnt like them must not be into real metal.
68. Tell everyone you love brutal death metal bands like With Blood Comes Cleansing.
69. You remember when Job for a Cowboy was Christian.
70. Claim you can understand every word Brook Reeves(Impending Doom) is saying without even trying.
71. You remember Oh, Sleeper! day 2008.
72. Sign up for an underground messageboard and post a topic about As I Lay Dying(IE ZOMG AILD PWNS YOU!)
73. Never under any circumstances use the search feature on any messageboard, ever!
74. Every time you post on the Centurion Outpost messageboard your text gets turned pink.
75. Constantly make fun of Nu metal bands while touting Demon Hunter as "teh best band ever!"
76. Make sure that nobody notices your Mae and Copeland albums in your messenger bag.
77. Jessie Smith is a jerk head face man!(See rule 3)
78. You loved Jessie until the Zao DVD was released.
79. You still loved Zao after the Fear DVD(see rule 4)
80. Your cover artwork and album layout must be only made by Dave Quiggle or Asterick Studios.
81. Tell everyone how you used to be into Satanic metal bands like Slipknot and Korn.
82. Firestream.net is your favorite messageboard ever x50!
83. Always make fun of Unblack! No exceptions.
84. Movie clips are a must, nothing proves the point of your lyrics better than something completely unrelated and taken out of context.
85. You actually own the Norma Jean BBQ Sauce.
86. You admit that Advent just makes you wanna listen to Beloved.
87. Someday in the event that mankind actually figures out what it is that the world revolves around, thousands of people will be shocked and perplexed to find out that it wasnt them, sometimes this includes me.
88. Make sure that your track titles are not related to the song in any possible way.
89. Tell people in interviews that each title is deeply related to the lyrics.
90. Make sure to never post your lyrics.
91. In interviews, make sure to never answer questions but to look really distracted.
92. Claim that Jordan Mancino is the fastest drummer on earth.
93. Listen only to the first two Nodes of Ranvier albums.
94. Also in interviews make sure to never have an opinion about anything, sit there for long awkward stretches of time and then simply answer "I kind of like a little of everything"
95. Secretly you pray every day that Between the Buried and Me would be a Christian band.
96. Apply rule #95 to Converge as well.
97. Claim you only like that one Showbread album(be as vague as possible as nobody will guess you love all of them)
98. Always refer to Dan Weyandt's vocals as Black Metal screaming.
99. Get up in arms about the maker of this list being closed minded.
100.One day you will find and kill those invisible ninjas
101.Wear the smallest shorts possible at Cornerstone, hot weather, dust, and puke. Welcome to God's Country
3 comments:
For Today goes out and does what they do, and they do it well. You don't agree with their music, cool. You don't agree with their preaching, cool. In the end, they don't give two shits about YOU, this blog, nor your belligerent antics. "Hey, look at me, I can make fun of things, swear a lot, and be awkwardly sexual which makes me awesome!" I can tell you this sir, you are not awesome. This blog ridicules you and any decent form of knowledge you may have. You will probably follow that remark with a "but I don't care" etc, etc. Which proves your immaturity and terrible attempts and stabs at "humor" are a way you waste your time and anybody else's time who decides to look at this blog. I know the dudes in For Today personally, and if you ever met them they would own you with kindness. Now, I know once again you'll say "but I don't care" but you are only hurting yourself, and taking away from yourself the chance to have a good heart.
GRADE A+ FAGGOT ABOVE
For Today Blows
Religion should be kept out of music
they play metal shows with winds of plague.
i doubt many winds of plague fans are into jesus
and stop being a fag up there,im sure they are great dudes, just the whole preaching thing is a waste of fucking time, people go to shows to dance,and listen to music and have a good time
if they wanted someone to preach to them, they would go to chuch.
i'd be more than happy to debate this left and right, but you might physically be too incompatent and therefore infuriating me in turn forcing my hand to leave the conversation early.
Post a Comment