01 FULL OF HELL FOX WOMB
02 FULL OF HELL DAMP REEDS IN A RIVER
03 CODE ORANGE KIDS IV (MY MIND'S A PRISON)
04 CODE ORANGE KIDS V (MY BODY'S A WELL)
BRIEF REVIEW:
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MODERN CRUST-TRASH BRIGE-NINE & DEATHWISH-INC ENDORSED BANDS LACK CREATIVITY AND PRODUCTIVITY? IN TODAY'S WORLD, THEY GET POPULAR! HOW? IT'S EASY... FOLLOW THIS STEP TO STEP MANUAL IN GETTING YOUR BAND HEARD SUCCESSFUL:
- THROW FOUR MOST CUSTIEST LOOKING ASSHOLES TOGETHER IN A SUBURBAN BASEMENT AND MAKE SURE NONE OF THEM ARE (1) WILLING TO ADMIT THEY WERE SCENE KIDS FIVE YEARS AGO WHO USED TO LISTEN TO AN ABUNDANCE OF POST-HARDCORE, METALCORE AND DEATHCORE AND (2) ABLE TO PLAY THEIR INSTRUMENTS (AS LONG AS THE DRUMMER IS SEMI-DECENT EVERYTHING SHALL BE FINE).
- NAME YOUR BAND SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING STUPID AND IRRELEVANT. COMPOSE THREE TWO-MINUTE SONGS, NAME THOSE SOMETHING THAT WOULD ONLY COME OUT OF A THIRD GRADER'S IMAGINATION.
- RECORD YOUR TRACKS WITH YOUR DIGITAL CAMERA OR CELLPHONE TO PRODUCE SOMETHING OF AWFUL QUALITY. CREATE A BANDCAMP PAGE, AND GIVE YOUR MUSIC SOME REDUNDANT GENRE (POST BLACKENED JOCKY-POWERVIOLENCE DOOMY CRUSTCORE).
- STAND FOR A COMBINATION OF ETHICS AND VALUES THAT ARE COMPLETELY ABSURD AND RIDICULOUS ("VEGAN PRO-MUSLIM ANTI-CHAUVINIST FEMINIST-ENDORSED BUT PRO-LIFE EDGE GRIND").
- RELEASE YOUR EP AS A SPLIT WITH ANOTHER BAND THAT'S JUST AS FUCKING SHITTY AS YOURS. CHOOSE AN UNCONVENTIONAL MULTIMEDIA FORMAT (CASSETTE, THREE-INCH VINYL, VCR, OR MOVIE ROLLS) THAT NOBODY CAN EVER FUCKING PLAY IN ANY TYPICAL HOUSEHOLDS. HAND DRAWN ALL YOUR SHITTY ALBUM COVERS AND EMPHASIZE THAT IT'S BECAUSE YOU SUPPORT THE DIY ETHICS. MAKE SURE YOU BRAND IT AS SOMETHING OF A RARE COLLECTIBLE, AND RELEASE ONLY TWENTY OF THEM SO YOUR FANS CAN PURCHASE AT AN OVERPRICED RATE, ONLY TO SELL IT ON EBAY FOR THREE TIMES THE PRICE.
- ARRANGE A TOUR ALL OVER YOUR STATE AND CARRY A CREW OF IDIOTS THAT WILL ROUGH HOUSE THE BARS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, CAUSING HARM TO THE TEN PATRONS THAT ARE STUPID OR DEAF ENOUGH TO WATCH YOUR BAND. AND MAKE SURE YOUR FANS MOSH LIKE EITHER COMPLETE IDIOTS WITH NO KINESTHETIC IDEA OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING, OR COMPLETE TOUGH GUY ASSHOLES. HALF HALF IS A GREAT MIX AT THESE SHOWS.
- SUCK SO BAD THAT NO VENUES OR PROMOTERS WANNA BOOK YOU. THEN PLAY OTHER PEOPLE'S BASEMENTS FOR SHOWS. MAKE NO MONEY WHATSOEVER.
- HAVE AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF BUTT SEX WITH EACH OTHER WITH THE HELP OF DRUM STICKS AND GUITAR STRAPS.
I AM FUCKING SICK OF THESE TRENDY HIPSTER BLACKED DEATH POWERVIOLENCE CRUST BANDS THAT CARRIES THE EIGHTIES' YOUTH CREW HARDCORE MENTALITY. YOU'RE NOT HARDCORE. YOU'RE NOT PUNK. YOU'RE NOT METAL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE, BUT IT SURE AS FUCK ISN'T ORIGINAL. THE ONLY THING I CAN CLASSIFY YOU FAGGOTS UNDER, IS NONE OTHER THAN JUST GAY.
FUCK OFF FAGGOTS.
