I ONCE GOT LOCKED UP IN A PSYCH WARD BECAUSE I MIXED TWENTY-THREE HITS OF ACID INTO MY MILK DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE RAN OUT OF CEREAL IN MY WELFARE BUNGALOW. AS I JUMPED OFF MY SECOND STORY WINDOW IN MY LOUSY ATTEMPT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, SOME ASSHOLES IN PUBLIC DIALED 911 AND THE PARAMEDICS CAME AND STRAPPED ME ONTO A FUCKING STRETCHER. AND BECAUSE I WAS SO FUCKED OFF MY MIND ON LSD, I WAS EXPERIENCING THE GREATEST DEJA-VU AND SCREAMING FOR MY STEP-DAD TO STOP POKING MY RECTUM WITH HIS SAUSAGE AS HE DID SO DELIGHTFULLY FOUR DECADES AGO WHEN I WAS A VULNERABLE LITTLE MUNCHKIN. WITH ALL THESE FLASHBACKS WERE FLYING BY MY HALLUCINATING EYES, I WAS SCREAMING AND PUKING MUDKIPS IN THE AMBULANCE. AS THE VEHICLE WAS RUSHING IT HIT A SPEEDBUMP AND I COMPLETELY SHAT MY PANTS, ALL YOU SAW WAS POOP EXPLODING ALL OVER THE FUCKING STRETCHER. BECAUSE I ALSO HAVEN'T WIPED MY ASS IN THE PAST TWO DECADES, THE WHOLE VEHICLE SMELLED SO GODDAMN AWFUL THAT THE DRIVER ASPHYXIATED TO DEATH ON SITE AND RAN THE VEHICLE INTO A FUCKING DAYCARE CENTER. WHEN THE NATIONAL BREAKING NEWS CAME TO FILM THE EVENT ON REAL-TIME, ALL YOU CAN SEE BEHIND THE NEWSCASTERS WERE LITTLE TODDLERS ROLLING AROUND IN THE BACK OF THE BROKEN PARAMEDICS VEHICLE ALL SMEARED IN MY HIV-POSITIVE SHIT.
NEEDLESS TO SAY WHEN THE BAND SAW THIS INCIDENT ON THE NEWS, THEY WERE BEYOND IMPRESSED AND GOT IN TOUCH WITH ME TO ASK THEM TO TRY OUT FOR VOCALS. BECAUSE I WAS STILL TRIPPIN BAWLS ON ACID AFTER THE FIRST 180 DAYS OF THE EVENT, I THOUGHT I WAS MOTHERFUCKING KING TUT LIVING IN A PYRAMID THUS COULD NOT RESPOND TO THEIR REQUEST COHERENTLY. SO LESS FAVOURABLY, AS A SECOND CHOICE THEY GOT THE GOOF THEY HAVE NOW FOR VOCALS. GO FUCKING FIGURE. BUT YET IT IS STILL UNDENIABLE THAT I CAN PLEA INSANITY BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD, SO FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING GODDAMN FAGGOTS.