THE ACACIA STRAIN - CONTINENT

1. Skynet
2. Seaward
3. Dr. Doom
4. Forget-Me-Now
5. Cthulhu
6. Baby Buster
7. Balboa Towers
8. JFC
9. Kraken
10. The Combine
11. The Behemoth

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I'M FUCKING SICK OF HEARING ABOUT THE WHOLE THE AGAYCIA STRAIN AND MANURE DRAMA NON-STOP. ALL YOU'RE DOING IS MAKING TWO ARROGANT FUCKING LARGER-THAN-LIFE PRICKS FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEIR PAPER-TIGER SELVES. SO GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU STUPID TREND-LEADING GIMMICK FAGGOTS AND YOUR FUCKING STUPID ASS EGO-TRIPPIN' BULLSHIT. IT ALL STARTED WHEN THAT ENORMOUSLY OVERWEIGHT FAGGOT VINCE BENNET CRITIQUED FRANKIE PALMERI OF "RIPPING OFF" THEIR DOWN-TUNED DROP-A RIFFS THAT SOUNDS LIKE PLUCKING THE PUBES OFF MY FUCKING ANUS. AWWW, DID SOMEBODY STEAL YOUR BASKET OF CANDIES WHICH YOU DIDN'T WANNA GIVE AWAY, YOU FUCKING STINGY LITTLE BABY?  SHARING IS A VIRTUE... REMEMBER WHAT THEY TAUGHT YOU IN PRE-SCHOOL? WHERE ARE YOUR CODE OF ETHICS, WERE YOU NOT BREASTFED ENOUGH AS A CHILD? WELL, I GUESS YOU COULDN'T BE SO MALNOURISHED CONSIDERING YOUR ENORMOUS SIZE. DON'T FUCKING TRAMPLE OVER MY STUPID TWIGGY SELF PLEASE VINCE, THERE'S A REASON WHY I TALK SHIT OVER THE NET ... SO YOU CAN NEVER FIND ME BEHIND MY ANONYMOUS FACADE! HA! COME BRASS KNUCKLE ME YOU USELESS FAGGOT!

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I CAN FUCKING BREAK FIVE STRINGS ON MY SHITTY ASS YAMAHA GUITAR AND STILL PLAY EACH AND EVERY SINGLE SONG COMPOSED BY THE TWO BANDS. I SWEAR TO GOD THEIR WHOLE FUCKING DRAMA'S A PUBLICITY STUNT ALL THEIR ALBUMS ARE COMPOSED BY SOME FUCKING OLD OGRE SITTING IN THE BASEMENT OF VICTORY RECORDS. YOU FUCKING IDIOTS ARE MORE FABRICATED THAN STUPID CLOWNY WHITE RAPPERS WITH FACE MASKS FROM THE SUBURBS OF DETROIT, YOU FUCKING MORONS. EXCEPT IF YOU EVER ATTEMPTED TO JUMP ONE OF THOSE GUYS, I'M SURE THEY'LL SIMPLY POP YOUR HORMONALLY-OVERPACKED SCROTUM WITH A NINE MILLIMETER BULLET AND NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH YOUR TOUGH-GUY FACADE. THAT'S RIGHT, NONE OF THAT BRASS KNUCKLE BULLSHIT. JUST A FINGER ON THE TRIGGER TO GET THE JOB DONE SOONER. GET OVER YOUR FAT, GREASY, GANG-METAL SELVES YOU FUCKING "POP-STARS" OF THE HARDCORE SCENE... INSTEAD YOU CAN ALWAYS DO THE WORLD A FAVOUR AND BE THE NEXT 2PAC AND BIGGIE SMALLS? YAY!

I HONESTLY CAN'T, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, UNDERSTAND FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHAT THE HELL FRANKIE PALMARI HAS TO BE SO FUCKING PISSED OFF ABOUT AT ALL TIMES.WHAT SORT OF "HARD TIMES" DID YOU HAVE TO ENDURE IN ORDER TO FRONT SUCH A VIOLENTLY PISSED OFF HARDCORE BAND? DID YOUR FAT SUBURBAN HALF-BLACK GIRLFRIEND ABORT YOUR ANTICIPATED BABY BECAUSE EVEN SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE NEGATIVE IMPACTS OF STRESS ON THE CHILD, DURING HER PREGNANT DAYS OF DEALING WITH YOUR EMOTIONALLY-UNSTABLE BREE-BREE ORR-ORR AUDITION DAYS? THAT IS QUITE UNFORTUNATE, I UNDERSTAND. HOWEVER, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE ... WHY THE HELL WOULD THE WORLD WANT ANOTHER DEFORMED LITTLE FUCKING COCKY PRE-DEVELOPED MEATHEAD ROAMING THESE HARDCORE PITS? HOW OLD WILL HE BE UNTIL YOU FIRST TEACH HIM HOW TO HARDCORE DANCE? IT'S REALLY JUST WHAT WE NEED, A COCKY LITTLE DIPSHIT AMBASSADOR FOR EVERY EMMURE SHOW THAT HAPPENS TO BE FRANKIE'S SON! (OH WAIT, HE WAS ABORTED, SORRY!)

SO APPARENTLY THE STORY WENT SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF THIS...  VINCENT WENT TO AN EMMURE SHOW IN NEW YORK TO FINALLY SETTLE THE ONGOING DRAMA. HE STEPS UP TO FRANKIE AND ASKS HIM WHETHER HE HAD BEEF. THEN FRANKIE PULLS OUT A BRASS KNUCKLE THAT HE NORMALLY USES TO SUPPLEMENT FOR A LACK OF PACKAGE IN BETWEEN HIS LEGS, AND SWINGS IT AT VINCENT. APPARENTLY IT WAS A BLOODY FEUD AND EVERYBODY REITERATED IT IN THEIR OWN WAY. NONE OF THE WITNESS' PRESS ACCOUNTS WERE ACCURATE HOWEVER, AS I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THERE TO HAVE OBSERVED THE WHOLE DISPUTE. WHAT REALLY HAPPENED WAS VINCENT PROPOSED TO FRANKIE BY TELLING HIM WHAT A BIG GROWN MAN HE BECAME, AND THAT HIS MASCULINITY WAS ADMIRABLE. FRANKIE WAS INITIALLY FLATTERED AND BLUSHED ON THE SPOT, BUT THEN REALIZED THERE WERE FANS AROUND SO HE RESUMED HIS TOUGH GUY PERSONA AND WIPED THE REDNESS OFF HIS FACE. VINCENT THEN ASKS HIM WHETHER HE WAS INTERESTED IN A "SWORD FIGHT", AND FRANKIE, INSTEAD OF  PULLING OUT A BRASS KNUCKLE AS THE ALLEGATION GOES, HE STRIPPED BUTT NAKED AND PULLED OUT HIS LIGHT-SABER AS THEY PLAYED "WATER SPORTS" ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG. THE BLOOD ON THE CRIME SCENE WAS OBVIOUSLY THE HAZARDOUS PENETRATION INTO THE ORAL ORIFICE MADE BY VINCENT'S EIGHTEEN INCH COCK. UPON THE RESOLUTION OF THE DISPUTE, VINCE SHOOK FRANKIE'S CUM-STAINED HANDS AND RESOLVED IT AS A "GOOD WRESTLING MATCH FIGHT".

MAN I LOVE THE INTERNET. OBVIOUSLY I'D NEVER DARE TO SAY ANY OF THIS TO THEIR FACES, BECAUSE I'M A HAIRY AND OVERWEIGHT VIRGIN, WHO IS FINGER-HAPPY TYPING AWAY BEHIND THE ANONYMITY OF HIS THICK MONITOR BARRIER. BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, EVEN IF I WORKED IN THE PRESS, I'D LOVE TO INTERVIEW VINCENT AND ASK HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT OF THE ATROCITY THAT WAS THE COWARDLY  PITIFUL NON-FIGHT THAT HE GOT HIMSELF INTO. IN AN OFFICIAL PRESS-RELEASE STATEMENT, HE HAS GROWLED THE FOLLOWING:

“The internet is abuzz. Did i get beat up? Nope! Did i hang the fuck out? Yes!”

VINCENT RELEASES THIS STATEMENT AS HIS GUITARIST TAPS OUT A CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG RIFF FOR HIS FIFTEEN YEAR OLD DEATHCORE FANS ENTERED THE ROOM AND WINDMILLED THE SHIT OUT OF THE PRESS CONFERENCE ROOM, SENDING ALL RECORDING DEVICES AND JOURNAL BINDERS FLYING UP IN THE AIR LIKE A FUCKING TORNADO. (YES I CALLED Y'ALL DEATHCORE ... PLEASE DON'T DO SOMETHING BAD TO ME!) MAN I AM TERRIFIED OF THOSE GUYS.

WELCOME TO THE HIP-HOP ERA OF HEAVY METAL, BOYS AND GIRLS!