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IT'S AMAZING WHAT HARDCORE CAN DO (A TESTIMONY):
they say i'm demented. i'm only forty-two but the doctors say my brain is riddled with plaques and tangles, and that it may be Alzheimer's. i suffered two strokes before my fortieth birthday. they diagnosed me with dementia because i kept forgetting who i was and i kept using turn signals in a turn lane, something only a profoundly demented octogenarian would do. but hardcore is what i do remember. i remember the rush, the excitement of standing motionless with my arms crossed, staring at the stage as tattooed chimps howl about unity over percussive cacophonous noise. i just want to thank hardcore for giving me something to remember.
WHEN OBAMAXOMEGA IS ELECTED FOR ANOTHER TERM HE PROMISES TO DELIVER FURIOUS REIGN OF TERROR ON HIS SOPHOMORE ALBUM AND MAKE AGGRESSIVE CHANGES TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
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