LOVE SEX MACHINE - SELF-TITLED

1. Anal On Deceased Virgin

2. Deafening Peepshow

3. Fucking Battle

4. Antagonism Can STFU

5. Plenty Of Feelings

6. Vagina Curse

7. Killed With A Monster Cock

8. Warstrike Takes The Piss

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BRIEF REVIEW:

WELCOME TO THE YEAR OF 2012 WHERE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BAND SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME FROM EACH OTHER.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT BULLSHIT METALCORE CRAZE THROUGHOUT THE LAST DECADE THAT HAS ATTRACTED SO MUCH CRITICISM IN TERMS OF ITS OVERUSE OF WATERED DOWN DERIVATIVES OF EACH OTHER? STUPID CRITIQUES CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT BULLSHIT ALREADY BECAUSE IT ULTIMATELY BECAME A TREND TO BASH ON METALCORE MORE SO THAN APPRECIATING THE IMPACT THE GENRE ACTUALLY HAD IN OUR MUSICAL CULTURE. WHAT WAS AWFULLY IRONIC IS THAT JUST AS BANDS WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM USING REPETITIVE METALCORE ELEMENTS, THEY RESORTED TO THIS GAY-ASS DOOM, SLUDGE AND CRUST ELEMENTS THAT SOUNDS EVEN MORE STALE AND MONOTONOUS THAN EVER.

INTRODUCING LOVE SEX MACHINE. A BAND FULL OF FRENCH FAGGOTS WHO PROBABLY SPEAK LIKE THEY'VE ALL GOT FROGS STUCK IN THEIR MOUTHS. JUST AS YOU THINK YOU THINK THEIR FRENCH ACCENT IS OF SOMETHING BARBARICALLY UNBEARABLE, WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR THIS FUCKING HORSE DOO-DOO THAT PEOPLE CALL MUSIC. ALL IT IS IS SIMPLY EIGHT TRACKS OF BASS-HEAVY DROP-TUNED OPEN-CHORD GARBAGE THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN IMPENDING SEISMIC VOLCANO READY TO BLOW IN THE MIDST OF FIJI. AS EXCITING AS THAT MAY SOUND, THE FUCKING ISSUE IS THERE IS NOTHING "MUSICAL" ABOUT PLAYING AN OPEN CHORD. HERE, LET ME TAB OUT ONE OF THEIR SONGS (AND KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR TRACKS IN THIS ALBUM GOES):

000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000

I'VE SEEN MORE ARTISTIC CREATIVITY IN BINARY COMPUTER PROGRAMMING YOU FUCKING DUMBASS PIECES OF HANDICAPS. IT MUST HAVE BEEN CHEAP TO BUY A GUITAR WITH ONLY ONE FRET YOU STUPID POVERTY-STRICKEN FAGGOTS. THE TAB SHEET LOOKS LIKE MY SPHERICAL SHIT NUGGETS POPPING OUT OF MY ANUS AFTER A WEEK'S DIET ON KRAFT DINNER AND RAMEN NOODLE RECIPES, YOU FUCKIN' CREATIVITY IMPAIRED RETARDS. I CAN JIZZ OVER A MUSIC TABULATION SHEET AND PRODUCE SOMETHING THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE A STADIUM MASTERPIECE COMPARED TO YOUR TONE-DEAF BULLSHIT. STOP COMPOSING WHAT YOU DEFINE AS "MUSIC" IMMEDIATELY YOU IMPAIRED BABOONS.

I'VE HEARD MORE MUSICAL INTEGRITY FROM MUTE NIGGERS SINGING ACAPELLA YOU DUMB FUCKS. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THERE'S A WHOLE MOVEMENT OF THIS APPALLING GARBAGE ON THROATRUINER RECORDS , SOME REDUNDANT FRENCH LABEL THAT SIGNS COUNTLESS GARBAGE BANDS LIKE THIS. I CAN JUST IMAGINE THEIR SHOWS CONSISTING OF A BUNCH OF STONED OUT METAL HEADS IN PONY TAILS MIXED IN WITH A FEW ODD LOOKING HARDCORE KIDS THAT FEEL OUT OF PLACE. HAHAHAHAHA. I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE THIS NEW MOVEMENT. GO GET YOUR ONE ARM AMPUTATED AND PLAY IN A BAND JUST AS GOOD AS THIS, YOU TALENTLESS GIMPS. ACTUALLY BETTER YET, JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SCENE.

AND CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE NAME OF THIS BAND? LOVE, SEX, MACHINE? LOVE, SEX, AND MASTURBATION IS MORE LIKE IT. EXCEPT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN GET FROM THE THREE EXCEPT FOR THE LAST ONE. BUT THEN AGAIN I WAS TO AMPUTATE MY ARMS TO PLAY THIS SHIT MUSIC, LOOKS LIKE I WON'T BE PERFORMING THE LAST ACTIVITY ON MYSELF EITHER. IT'S A FUCKING PITY. IMAGINE MAKING LOVE TO THIS FUCKING MUSIC: MY DICK WOULD BE SOFT FOR A WHOLE ENTIRE THIRTY MINUTES OF THIS ALBUM'S DURATION AND THE PAID HOOKER RIDING ON TOP OF ME WOULD PROBABLY THINK I HAVE A VAGINA FOR A NUT-SACK. THANK YOU FOR WASTING MY MONEY AND FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, LOVE SEX MACHINE.