1. "Sunday Bacon" 2:37
2. "I Thought You Met Telly And Turned Me Into Casper" 2:53
3. "I<3 EC2" 2:45
4. "Felony" 2:47
5. "You Sunk My Battleship" 3:09
6. "The Philosophy Of Time Travel" 2:36
7. "First Impressions" 2:18
8. "R2deepthroat" 2:17
9. "Bars In Astoria" 3:28
10. "Lesson From Nichole" 2:26
11. "Don't Be One" 2:55
12. "Immaculate Misconception" 1:26
BRIEF REVIEW:
I SWEAR I LISTENED TO THIS ALBUM AND FUCKING CRIED MYSELF INTO A LONG PERPETUAL SLEEP WHICH I'VE YET TO WAKE UP FROM. PERHAPS THAT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD BECAUSE I STILL WISH THIS IS NOTHING BUT A HORRIBLE DREAM WHICH THE DEFINITION OF NIGHTMARE CANNOT DO JUSTICE IN DESCRIBING. I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND ACTUALLY ENJOYED ATTENDING SHOWS AND GOTTEN MY HEAD STOMPED INTO MY NECK BY SCRAWNY LITTLE SCENE KIDS, AS WELL AS URINATING ALL OVER THE DANCE FLOOR SO PEOPLE WOULD SLIP WHILE ATTEMPTING ROUNDHOUSES INTO EACH OTHER'S DEFORMED GROIN AREAS. THOSE WERE THE DAYS WELL SPENT, ESPECIALLY AFTER WHEN I GOT DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED FROM THE ARMY FOR ARBITRARILY SHOOTING HIDEOUS RAGHEADED WOMEN IN THICK TURBANS IN THE MIDDLE EAST. BUT NOPE, HARDCORE SCENE HAS NEVER BEEN THE SAME AGAIN. ALL I SEE NOWADAYS ARE FUCKING SEVENTY-FIVE POUND SUBURBAN SCENE WIGGERS IN COLLEGE FONT WRITINGS THROWING DOWN IN GRILLZ IN OBNOXIOUS COLLEGE FONT T-SHIRTS WHILE NASTY FAT-ASS METALHEADS CHARGE AT THEM LIKE MERCILESS RHINO'S ON STEROID. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO HARDCORE. I AM SIMPLY AN OLD-FAG THAT HAS AN AVERSION TO CHANGE. ESPECIALLY TOWARDS A BAND THAT NEEDS TO PULL OUT A BRASS KNUCKLE TO BEAT UP SOME FAGGOT LIKE VINCENT BENNET IN A FAGGOT SHOWDOWN AT A NEW YORK SHOW. THIS NU-METALCORE CLOWNSHOE FAGGOTRY NEEDS TO END TODAY. I AM GOING TO SHIT A NUKE IN ONE OF THESE VENUE'S TOILET ONE DAY AND WATCH IT BLOW UP DURING THE HEAVIEST BASS-DROP TO ONE OF THEIR 30,232,324,323,231,231,253 BREAKDOWNS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE ALBUM. PROBLEM SOLVED! HOLY SHIT I AM SUCH A GENIUS... HIROSHIMA MUST BE PROUD.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FRANKIE PALMERI CHARACTER FROM THIS FAGGOT BAND. HE STATES THAT HE CRIES TO THE BAYSIDE CD EVERY SINGLE NIGHT BECAUSE HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND ABORTED WHAT WOULD'VE BEEN THE UNFATHOMABLE PRODUCT OF HIS SEMEN. YEAH, BECAUSE THAT'S JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS: A BUNCH OF TINY FRANKIE PALMERI'S RUNNING AROUND THUGGIN' AROUND AND MUGGING PEOPLE WITH BRASS KNUCKLES AND EXTENDOS AND THREATENING VICTIMS IN INCOHERENT SCREAMING DIALECTS TAUGHT BY THEIR FAT DOUCHEBAG FATHER. I BET THEIR FIRST WORDS WERE SOMETHING INTELLIGENT AND MEANINGFUL, LIKE BREE BREE ORRH ORRH YOU FUCKING LOSERS. MAYBE THOSE WERE THE FIRST AND THE LAST WORDS CONSIDERING IT WAS THE ONLY THING AUDIBLY EMITTED DURING THE FETUSES' ILLEGAL ABORTION! BAHAHAHAHAHA.
I DON'T GET WHAT THESE HARDCORE WIGGERS HAVE TO BE SO ANGRY ABOUT ALL THEIR LIVES. I MEAN YOUR INABILITY TO COMPLETE GRADE TEN MUST BE A SEVERE HANDICAP TO OBTAINING QUALITY EMPLOYMENT, BUT I HEAR THEY HAVE GOVERNMENT-SUBSIDIZED PROGRAMS FOR LEGAL RETARDS LIKE YOURSELVES. YOU KNOW, ONES THAT DON'T INVOLVE MAKING DISGUSTING NOISES PLAYED IN YOUR GRANDPARENTS' BASEMENT WHILE THEY GAWK AT YOU IN AN CARDIAC ARREST. YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS THEN USE THE INHERITANCE MONEY TO FUND YOUR LITTLE PATHETIC TOURS WHERE FOURTEEN YEAR OLD SCENE BITTIES ARE ILLEGALLY MOLESTED IN THE BACK OF YOUR TOUR BUSES. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOT COME UP WITH ANOTHER RATIONALE AS TO WHAT WOULD MAKE YOUR PATHETIC TOURS WORTH IT. IF ONLY I CAN ALSO GET PAID FOR PLAYING NOTHING BUT THE OPEN CHORD FOR AN HOUR A DAY, TWO ALBUMS AN HOUR, EIGHT TRACKS PER ALBUM AND INFINITE FAGGOT PER TRACK THEN MY LIFE WOULD BE MADE AS WELL. I KNOW WE ALL LOVE HIGH ACHIEVERS: IN THIS DAY AND AGE PEOPLE WHILE PEOPLE HEAVILY COMPETE AND STRIVE TO HOLD PRESTIGIOUSLY HONOURABLE TITLES LIKE BEING DOCTORS AND LAWYERS, THESE FUCKIN PRANCING ANIMALS MAKE A LIVING OFF PALM-MUTING THE OPEN CHORD TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY. I BET YOUR PARENTS ARE SO PROUD OF YOU THEY INSTANTLY COMMITTED SUICIDE YOU FAGGOTS. BUT AT LEAST IT WOULD BE YOUR PARENTS WHO KILLED THEMSELVES, AND NOT YOUR KIDS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T END UP BEING CONCEIVED!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I LOVE TALKING SHIT OVER THE SAFETY OF THE INTERNET JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH. I BET FRANKIE WOULD SMASH MY FAGGOT FACE INTO A PULP IN REAL LIFE WITHOUT A SECOND OF PAUSE.
EMMURE IS ONE OF THESE BANDS THAT NO MATTER HOW BADLY KIDS SHIT TALK ABOUT THEM, THEY STILL ATTEND THEIR SHOWS AND MOSH THE HARDEST EVERY TIME THEY COME INTO TOWN. THE SHEER HYPOCRISY OF THIS IS ASTOUNDING. EVERY TIME I PAY THIRTY DOLLARS TO SEE THIS FAGGOT BAND I GET KICKED IN MY FAT BOUNCY MAN TITS. I THEN SHIT MY PANTS AND SMEAR THE LIQUIDY RESIDUES IN MY BOXERS ALL OVER PEOPLE'S FACES. HOW DO YOU LIKE EXPERIENCING EMMURE WITH MANURE NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS?!
FUCK ME UP THE BUM PLEASE AND LISTEN TO MY SQUIRT OUT FARTS TO THE RHYTHMIC PATTERNS OF YOUR DROP-A BREAKDOWNS WOOHOO
