MOST DEFINITELY THE WORST HARDCORE / METALCORE / GRINDCORE BLOGSPOT ON THE NET

HTTP://WWW.DEADONTHEDANCEFLOOR.COM
HTTP://DEADONTHEDANCEFLOOR.BLOGSPOT.COM

VOTE WEBMASTER FOR PRESIDENT 2012 (SO THAT FILTHY HALF-BREEF NEGROID HAS NO CHANCE OF RUNNING THE SECOND TERM ONLY TO RISK HIMSELF FROM BEING TORCHED ON A BURNING KKKROSS)!





THE TRANSCENDENCE TO A PINK LAYOUT IS THE FINAL MANIFESTATION OF MY EXTREME HOMOSEXUALITY I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO REPRESS ENTIRELY THROUGHOUT MY MISERABLY CONFUSED LIFE! I CAN'T HIDE THIS MY BLATANT HORMONES ANY LONGER! PLEASE FUCK ME WITH YOUR AIDS STICK YOU HOLY FUCKING FAGGOTS?

DISCLAIMER: IN ORDER TO FIT IN WITH EVERY OTHER HALF-ASSED LAW-ABIDING PUSSY-ASS ALBUM BLOGS OUT ON THE NET, I WILL HAVE TO REMIND ALL YOU PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENICS THAT I DO NOT HOST ANYTHING ON THIS WEBSITE BUT MERELY REDIRECT YOU TO LINKS OF RIPPED ALBUMS THAT SOMEHOW MIRACULOUSLY PRE-EXISTED ON THE INTERNET DUE TO STRANGE FORCES OF NATURE. PIRATE THESE ALBUMS AT YOUR OWN CONSEQUENTIAL RISKS YOU FUCKING COWARDLY METALHEAD FAGGOTS.

(BOOKMARK THIS SITE SO YOUR OBESELY UNEMPLOYED MOTHER REALIZES THE BULLSHIT YOU'VE BEEN JERKING OFF TO WITH HER INTERNET BILLS)


TOTALLY ANONYMOUS AND ABSOLUTELY NO REGISTRATION REQUIRED!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

SOLACE - CALL AND RESPONSE

01 – Trinity
02 – Naive
03 – 4 8 15 16 23 42
04 – Our Father
05 – Dead Man’s Curve
06 – Judgement Night
07 – Call & Response
08 – Stockholm Syndr(h)ome
09 – CPM
10 – Curse of the Living

(A PROVINCE NO HETEROSEXUAL MANKIND WITH A NORMAL FUNCTIONING TONGUE CAN PRONOUNCE)

Friday, November 23, 2012

BORN LOW - THE HUNGER WITHIN

1. Pura Vida
2. Wrecking Ball
3. Empty Plate
4. Nature of the Business
5. Blinded Eye

Sunday, October 28, 2012

OBEY THE BRAVE - YOUNG BLOOD

01. Lifestyle
02. Is Starts Today
03. Self Made
04. Live and Learn
05. Garde La Tete Froide
06. Grim
07. Get Real
08. Time For A Change
09. Unstoppable
10. Early Graves
11. Burning Bridges


BRIEF REVIEW:

OH SO LOOK, ALEX DESPISED LEFT HIS MOST MONUMENTAL METALCORE/DEATHCORE LEGACY PROJECT "DESPISED ICON" FOR THIS SHITTY ASS MEDIOCRE CRAP. CONGRATULATIONS FUCKER, NOW COOK ME A SHITTY ASS METALCORE KNUCKLE SANDWICH AND MIX IT WITH MY GLORIOUS POOP. NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THUG-LOOKING MEDIOCRE-CORE BANDS ANYMORE. YEAR 2012 IS HERE SO WHY DON'T WE ALL JUST LISTEN TO DUBSTEP AND FUCK EACH OTHER INSTEAD. ESPECIALLY UP MY AIDS-INFESTED GLORY HOLE WHERE THE CAVITIES AND TERMITES LIVE? YES PLEASE YOU GIGANTIC HOMOSEXUALS.

DOCTOR SAID MY GIGANTIC ERECTION IS BENT AND NOW I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. MIGHT WANNA CURL IT UP ALL THE WAY 360 AROUND AND MAKE IT INTO A ROLLER COASTER TRACK.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

XIBALBA - HASTA LA MUERTE


01. No Serenity 
02. Soledad 
03. Laid to Rest 
04. Burn 
05. Sentenced 
06. The Flood 
07. Hasta La Muerte 
08. Mala Mujer 
09. Stoneheart 
10. Lujuria 
11. Cold

DOWNLOAD:
 http://www.filefactory.com/file/4hw678jo4zhx/n/Hasta_La_Muerte.zip (LINK FIXED)

BRIEF REVIEW:

SO WHO THE FUCK WATCHED THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE LAST NIGHT? NOT ME YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS. I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO SUCH AS PICKING THE ASSHAIR OUT OF MY RECTUM AND THEN FEEDING IT BACK INTO MY MOUTH. I'M SICK OF LISTENING TO SOME HONKEY DEBATING A BANANA AND WATERMELON EATING NIGGER LIKE THE APEX OF THEIR SAD, SAD POLITICAL CAREER DEPENDS ON IT. YOU SEE, WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG, YOU'RE TAUGHT THIS VISION THAT SOCIETY IS HEADING TOWARDS AN UTOPIA AND EVERYTHING WE DO IS FOR THE SHAPE OF A BETTER WORLD IN BECOMING. BUT ONCE YOU GET OLD AND START LOSING HAIR, YOU PAINFULLY REALIZE THAT ANY 'CHANGES' IN SOCIETY AREN'T REALLY CHANGES FOR THE BETTER, BUT RATHER AN ENDLESS AMOUNT OF CONTENTIONS BETWEEN ONE INTEREST GROUP AND ANOTHER. THERE IS NO UNIFIED VISION. JUST MINDLESS GARBAGE FED FROM POLITICIANS WHO ARE INFLUENCED BY DIFFERENT LOBBY GROUPS. THANK GOD MEXICANS AREN'T BIG ON LOBBYING FOR THINGS (LEGALLY, THAT IS). OTHERWISE WE'D HAVE SOME BULLSHIT SONG ON THIS FUCKING ALBUM AS OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM. EXCUSE ME WHILE I PULL OUT A SHOTGUN FROM MY REDNECK CABIN AND SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HILLBILLY HEAD AND BRINGING MY WIFE/AUNT SALLY TO GOD'S HEAVEN WITH ME.

FUCK YOU.

Friday, October 12, 2012

KING 810 - MIDWEST MONSTERS


1 Midwest Monsters 
2 Death Posture
 3 Murder Murder Murder
 4 Magician
 5 Wolves
 6 K.I.A.
 7 Dragging Knives

DOWNLOAD

THE ONLY REASON WHY I'D EVER SET MY DIRTY WHITE TRASH FOOT INTO FLINT MICHIGAN (THE NIGGEREST OF NIGGER CITY AND THE MURDER CAPITAL IN THE FLAT WORLD OF UNITED STATES) IS IF I WANTED TO GET THE SHIT BEATEN OUT OF ME WITH BARB WIRED BASEBALL BATS AT A KING 810 SHOW. WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING ATROCIOUS SAVAGES. APPARENTLY THE SOUND GUY CUT THEIR SET SHORT MONTHS AGO WHEN THEY TRIED OPENING UP FOR THE CONTORTIONIST (THE FAGGIEST OF ALL TECH METAL GAYLORDS) AND THEY INCITED THEIR TOTAL FAN BASE OF SIX PEOPLE INCLUDING THEIR ROADIES AND PARENTS TO SET THE WHOLE VENUE ON FIRE WHILE PEOPLE WERE GETTING BRUTALIZED AND CARRIED OUT IN STRETCHERS. GREAT STORY, ASSWIPES. I WONDER WHAT VENUE WOULD FUCKING BOOK YOU NOW. NONE IN YOUR CITY ANYWAYS BECAUSE YOU DON'T PLAY REGGAETRON AND/OR GANG AFFILIATED HIP-HOP. FLINT, MICHIGAN. WHAT A FUCKING JOKE. WHOLE TOWN IS A BARBARIC WASTELAND. YOU CAN BLAME IT ON GENERAL MOTORS FOR PULLING THEIR PLANT OUT WHICH HYPOTHETICALLY IS WHAT DISPLACED ALL THE NEGROIDS, OR YOU CAN JUST BLAME THE WHOLE URBAN DECLINATION ON THE FACT THAT IT'S RAN BY NIGGERS, PERIOD. YOU LEAVE THE GREAT CIVILIZATIONS ERECTED BY WHITE MEN'S LEGACY IN THE HANDS OF THE NEGROID BABBOONS AND DECADES AFTER BOOM, IT TURNS INTO SMITHEREENS.  GO FUCKING FIGURE. I WONDER WHAT THE RE-ELECTED BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA IS WILLING TO DO AS HE LOOKS INTO A MAP OF MICHIGAN AND UTTERS "HMMMM?" WHILE SPITTING OUT THE SEEDS OF A NIGGER-CERTIFIED WATERMELON.  I KNOW! THE SAME THING HE'S DONE THROUGHOUT THE LAST FOUR YEARS OF HIS PRESIDENCY: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.


APPARENTLY THE LEAD SINGER OF THIS BAND HAS BEEN SHOT BEFORE WHILE LIVING IN FLINT DUE TO A BOTCHED ROBBERY OR WHATEVER. MAYBE IT'S JUST A RETALIATION FOR THE SANITY HE'S ROBBED OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S HEADS FOR PLAYING SUCH SHIT NU-METAL DRIVEN BEATDOWN BULLSHIT. FACE IT HOMO'S, THEY DON'T LIKE METAL YOU'RE NOT THUG ENOUGH TO PULL IT OFF WHAT BIOHAZARD DID IN THE NINETIES. BUT I BET FRANKIE PALMERI IS FUCKING STOKED WITH THIS ATROCITY. SO WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO ON TOUR WITH LIMP BIZKIT AND INCITE ANOTHER WOODSTOCK 1962 WITH YOUR TWO HALF RETARDED BLACK FANS WHO CANNOT TELL METAL FROM HIP-HOP YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.

SORRY FOLKS I WOULD BOOK YOU BUT AS A PROMOTER I DON'T WANT MY WHOLE CITY SET ON FIRE AND TURNED TO RUBBLES MY BAD

Thursday, September 6, 2012

EXPIRE - PENDULUM SWINGS

1) Just Fine
2) Reputation
3) Spit Out
4) Dig Deep
5) Anxiety
6) Abyss
7) Bark
8) Sleep Lost
9) Pills
10) YDN
11) Focus
12) Pendulum Swings


BRIEF REVIEW:

FUCK OFF WITH THIS STUPID PRETENTIOUS PROTOTYPICAL BRIDGE-NINE HARDCORE ALREADY YOU STUPID TRENDY HIPSTER HARDCORE KIDS WHO WEAR BAND T-SHIRTS WITH A BADGE IN THE FRONT AND A LOGO AT THE BACK. I'M SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF ALL YOU STUPID ASS FAGGOTS WHO LOOK LIKE CRABS WITH YOUR SIDE-TO-SIDE BULLSHIT AT SHOWS. SERIOUSLY CAN THIS FUCKING GAY ASS BAND GET ANY LAMER WITH THEIR PRETENTIOUS STRAIGHT EDGE BULLSHIT. I CAN IMAGINE THESE RETARDS BEING THE AWKWARD DORKS AT THEIR HIGH SCHOOL PROM AFTER-PARTY STUTTERING WHILE TRYING TO TALK TO GIRLS WAY OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE ONLY TO BE REJECTED BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO APPROACH AN INTOXICATED WOMAN HAVING THE TIME OF HER LIFE. THEN THEY BEAR THE GRUDGE AND RESENTMENT TO THEIR PITIFUL EXPERIENCES AND WRITE THESE UNLISTENABLY GAY ASS SONGS AS A FORM OF RELIEF AND EXPRESSION TO THEIR TOTAL SOCIAL INEPTITUDE.

SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO THESE STUPID FAGGOTS? NO? LUCKY YOU. THEY ARE THE GAYEST LAUGHINGSTOCKS SINCE AMY WINEHOUSE AFTER THE PUBLIC LEARNED THE CAUSE OF HER DEATH. EXCEPT AMY WINEHOUSE WAS MUCH COOLER THAN THAT PEDOPHILE ZACK DEAR WOULD EVER BE. BECAUSE YEAH, SHE DIED OF AN ACTUAL DRUG OVERDOSE AND LIVED HER LIFE TO THE WILDEST, UNLIKE ANY OF THESE CLOSET NERD CHILD MOLESTERS.

FUCK OFF YOU FAGGOTS.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

ZED'S DEAD & OMAR LINX - VICTOR EP


  • 1.No Prayers
     
  • 2.The One
  • 3.Out For Blood
  • 4.You and I
  • 5.Rudeboy
  • 6.Coffee Break
  • 7.Jackie Boy 2.0

DOWNLOAD:
http://www.filefactory.com/file/6351nicx3e7b

BRIEF REVIEW:

EXCUSE THE LACK OF UPDATES FOLLOWED BY THE SHITTY DUBSTEP MUSIC. I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY MORPHING MYSELF INTO A FAGGOT OVERAGED CLUBBER WITH THE COMPANY OF MY SISTER IN LAW'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER WHO POSSESSES A FAKE ID. FROM NOW ON DEADONTHEDANCEFLOOR.COM WILL OFFER THE HOTTEST CLUB HITS WITH YOUR FAVOURITE DUBSTEP, HARDSTYLE, AND DRUM AND BASS ARTISTS. DON'T HATE ME, I'M JUST GOING THROUGH THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF A STUPID EX-HARDCORE KID.

I'D WRITE MORE BUT I'M TOO BUSY DOSING OFF MDMA AND KETAMINE.

SUCK MY CHEMICALLY-PLUGGED ASSHOLE YOU FAGGOT FUCKERS

Friday, June 22, 2012

LIONS - NORTH FACE HARDCORE

01 IN FOR A PENNY IN FOR A POUND
02 WINTER WARZ
03 GOLD 4 YA MOUTH
04 BRIDGE OF SIGHS
05 PLAYGROUND OF THE FEARLESS


BRIEF REVIEW:

LIONS HAS ALWAYS BEEN HOLDING IT DOWN AND REPPIN' ONTARIO HARDCORE LIKE CRAIGSLIST'S MEN4MEN'S CASUAL ENCOUNTERS LISTING HAS BEEN REPPIN' YOUR SEXUAL VIRILITY YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS. IT'S SADDENING THAT THIS BAND HAS BROKEN UP BUT IT'S NOT LIKE YOU FOURTEEN YEAR OLD SCENE BITTIES WHO ARE STILL FLAILING YOUR HANDICAPPED ARMS AT DEATHCORE SHOWS WILL KNOW ANYTHING. I RECALL MANY OF THESE MEMBERS BEING THE BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLES BUT THAT'S OKAY. BECAUSE AS SOMEONE VERY NOTABLE HAS ONCE SAID, NOWADAYS ALL HARDCORE REALLY IS ABOUT, IS JUST TOUGH GUYS BEING DICKS AND SCENE KIDS BEING PUSSIESUNFORTUNATELY I BELONG IN THE LATTER. SO I GET SHOVED AROUND A LOT WHEN I ATTEMPT TO PUSH MOSH INTO 250 POUND ASSHOLES IN EARTH CRISIS SHIRTS AND GET MY FACE BASHED THE FUCK IN. BUT MY POINT IS, IT'S OBVIOUS THAT NO ONE GETS ALONG WITH EACH OTHER AND THE UNITY EVERYONE CRIED SO MUCH FOR HAS BEEN DEAD SINCE YOUR HAIR STARTED FALLING OUT OF YOUR SCALP. SO IT BAFFLES ME WHY ANYONE STILL WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN SUCH POLITICS OF A FAGGOT SPORT? BUT THAT'S OKAY, MY TIME IS RUNNING OUT WITH HARDCORE. BECAUSE LISTENING TO THIS BAND ALL OVER AGAIN MAKES ME REALIZE WHAT A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT STATE MUSIC HAS FINALLY COME TO. IT'S DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS, IT'S DEAD. DIG A FUCKING BURIAL GROUND. I'M SICK OF YOU FUCKERS. DOWNLOAD THIS ALBUM AND FUCK OFF. BECAUSE FROM THE REMNANTS OF THE ASHES THAT MEDIAFIRE HAS MADE OF MY SITE, I'D LIKE TO OFFICIALLY DECLARE A BIG FUCK YOU TO EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. BUT NOT LIONS, I LOVE YOU LIONS. NOT THE UGLY LOOKING ANIMALS, BUT THIS VERY UGLY-LOOKING BAND. PLEASE REUNITE AND SUCK MY UGLY MASSIVE DICK.

Friday, June 1, 2012

BOTCH - 061502

1. St. Mathew Returns To The Womb
2. C. Thomas Howell As The “Soul Man”
3. John Woo
4. Japam
5. Oma
6. Frequency Ass Bandit
7. Thank God For The Worker Bees
8. Framce
9. Third Part In A Tragedy
10. Rock Lobster
11. Transitions From Persona To Object
12. To Our Friends In The Great White North
13. Hutton’s Great Heat Engine
14. Man The Ramparts


BRIEF REVIEW:

I'M SO FUCKING LONELY UP IN MY BASEMENT DURING THE DAWN OF THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE THAT I THINK I MAY ALMOST MAKE LOVE TO A FUCKING ZOMBIE BEFORE LETTING HIM GIVE ME THE GREATEST FACE-LIFT OPERATION IN THE WORLD BY ALLOWING HIM TO CANNIBALIZE 80% OF MY HIDEOUSLY GROTESQUE FACE. IT IS OBVIOUS I WANT TO BE THE NEXT HOMELESS RONALD POPPO WITH MY BODY COMPONENTS COMPLETELY CHEWED OFF. UNLIKE A MALNOURISHED HOMELESS JUNKIE-LOOKING TWAT, I AM A FAT OBESE WHITE MAN WHO CAN PROVIDE ALL THE FOOD AND NUTRITION THAT A GODDAMN BATH-SALT ENHANCED ZOMBIE NEGRO "RUDY EUGENE" CAN EVER NEED. I DON'T UNDERSTAND SEXY NEGRO CANNIBALS. WHY DO THEY TAKE OUT THEIR OWN KIND INSTEAD OF DEVOURING MY DELICIOUS BODY PARTS? IT'S NOT FAIR. BEING CANNIBALIZED BY A WELFARE-DEPENDENT NIGGER WHILE HIGH ON BATHROOM CHEMICALS WHILE GETTING THE BIGGEST BONER HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT MY CHILDHOOD DREAM SINCE THE RACE-MIXING CULTURAL REVOLUTION OF THE SIXTIES!!

I DON'T KNOW HOW THE MIAMI DOCTORS ARE GOING TO "RECONSTRUCT" THAT HOMELESS POPPO'S FUCKING FACE AFTER THIS HILARIOUS INCIDENT. LIKE ARE THEY GOING TO COVER HIS ENTIRE MISSING FACIAL SURFACE WITH PLASTIC AND METAL COMPONENTS? MIGHT AS WELL MAKE HIM THE NEXT FUCKING ROBOCOP THEN. GIVE HIM A MICROCHIP TOO AND PROGRAM HIM TO STOP ACTING LIKE A HOMELESS NIGGER AND PERHAPS SHIT LIKE THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HIM IN THE FUTURE. AND THEN INSERT A CRIME-STOPPER USB PROGRAM TO MAKE HIM SHOOT OTHER CANNIBAL BLACKS JACKED OFF OF HOME-MADE STIMULANTS SO SHIT LIKE THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN IN OUR FRIGHTENINGLY BARBARIC FUTURE.

BUT SERIOUSLY I WONDER WHO THE FUCK IS READY FOR THIS INEVITABLE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE SHENANIGAN. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. I'VE DUG A BUNKER IN MY MOTHER'S FUCKING BASEMENT THAT IS SO DEEP, I SWEAR TO GOD I'M BEGINNING TO SMELL THE CURRY THAT'S BEEN COOKING IN SOUTH ASIA. IN PREPARATION FOR THE IMPENDING ARMAGEDDON WHERE ALL MODERN FORMS OF COMMUNICATION WILL BE RIPPED OFF AND RESOURCES WILL RUN SCARCE, I HAVE SUPPLIED MY SHELTER WITH ENDLESS FOOD, WATER, AND BATH SALT. FOOD AND WATER FOR SURVIVAL, AND BATH SALT TO JOIN THE DEAD IF I CANNOT DEFEAT THEM, OF COURSE. PLUS, INGESTING BATH SALT WILL OBVIOUSLY BE THE CLOSEST I'LL EVER GET TO TAKING A BATH OR USING ANY BATH-LIKE PRODUCTS, AS I HAVE AVOIDED SUCH AN ACTIVITY FOR THE PAST THREE DECADES. THE GREATEST THREAT NEXT TO ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AND/OR NUCLEAR WARFARE IS SIMPLY ME SHOWING MY GROTESQUELY NASTY-ASS SELF IN PUBLIC AND ASPHYXIATING INNOCENT BYSTANDERS WITH MY UNSURVIVABLE STENCH THAT HAS BEEN CLASSIFIED AS IMMEDIATE LIFE-THREATENING GRADE-A RISK BY THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION!! I HAVE BEEN A TRAITOR TO OUR NATION FOR DECADES AS THE USSR ADMINISTRATION HAS PAID ME TO INVOLVE MYSELF IN RESEARCHES ON BIOHAZARDOUS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION THAT REQUIRES MY TO DO NOTHING MORE THAN JUST LIFTING UP MY FUCKING ARM PITS. ZOMBIES... A THREAT? SINCE WHEN?

THERE'S SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE BUT I JUST DON'T HAVE THE WILL TO TYPE IT ALL. LUCKILY MY TWELVE FOOT LONG PENIS IS A GIGANTIC FLAMETHROWER THAT WILL ANNIHILATE EARTH WHEN IT QUICKLY TURNS INTO A SCORCHED PIECE OF SHIT. AND WHEN I PRESS MY LEFT TESTICLE A GIGANTIC ROCKET LAUNCHES OUT AND TURNS ANY ONCE-GREAT CIVILIZATION INTO TOTAL OBLIVION. FUCK YOU, EGYPTIANS AND MAYANS. MY GIGANTIC WANG IS THE ONLY FUCKING WEAPON I NEED TO SURVIVE THIS DOOMSDAY PROPHECY. IT'S SO PRECIOUS THAT I DON'T EVEN NEED AN ASSHOLE TO SHIT. THAT'S RIGHT YOU ZOMBIE-FEARING FAGGOTS, I SHIT OUT FROM MY COCK AND PISS OUT OF MY BUTT. WHO'S THE ODD FUCKING WORLD-RENOWNED FREAK NOW?

PREPARE FOR MORE MINDLESS ZOMBIE UPDATES IN THE NEAR FUTURE. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID "MINDLESS". WHAT A TASTELESS JOKE. DEAR UNDEAD: FUCK ME UP MY RABIE-INFESTED BUTTHOLE.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

WAR HOUND - COLDER THAN EVER

1. Blue
2. Colder Than Ever (Ft. Tom Of Unfinished Business)
3. No Love
4. Cut Short
5. The Realness (Ft. Shane And Luke Of The Killer)
6. Vibe (Ft. Colin Of Twitching Tongues)
7. Pariah (Ft. Stikman Of Fury Of Five)
8. Die Slow
9. Big Brother (Ft. Senta Of Numb And Dave Ta Lose)
10. The Abyss
11. The Other Side



BRIEF REVIEW:

WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! 

DON'T YOU LOVE A BUNCH OF FUCKING LOW-LIFE SCUMBAGS WHO ARE SO DISENFRANCHISED AND ALIENATED FROM SOCIETY THAT THEY THINK THEY'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING DOGS? COME INTO UNCLE WEBMASTER WONG'S HOME-MADE SOUP YOU FUCKING DELICIOUS SOUNDING BEAGLES! BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU HAVE PROBLEMS ADJUSTING INTO THE AMERICAN VALUES DURING ADULTHOOD WHEN YOU PLAY IN A GANG-ORIENTED BAND BARKING LIKE YOU'RE A BUNCH OF AGGRESSIVE BLOODHOUND WOLVES. SO WHY NOT RATHER THAN HAVING THE STATE PUT YOU DOWN BY INJECTION, I'LL JUST MAKE A DEAL WITH CHINATOWN FOR THOSE HUNGRY ASS CHINKOIDS TO PUT YA'LL DOWN AND MAKE DELICIOUS MEALS OUT OF YOU FOR CHINESE NEW YEARS? YOU'D DEFINITELY BE MORE THAN ENOUGH FEED WANG WONG'S EXTENDED FAMILY OF TWENTY-FIVE OVERPOPULATED CHINKS!

I'D LOVE TO SEE PETA SPONSOR THIS BAND BECAUSE IT'S BASICALLY LIKE ADOPTING A BUNCH OF FUCKING TRAGICALLY UNDOMESTICATED PETS. I WONDER IF THESE FAT GERMAN-SHEPARD LOOKING PIECES OF SHIT ARE PUT ON LEASHES WHEN THEY TOUR BECAUSE I'D DEFINITELY ASSUME IT WOULD BE A FUCKING HAZARD IF HANDLED OTHERWISE. I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY MAKE HARDCORE BANDS SO INTIMIDATING THESE DAYS. FOR EXAMPLE WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MEAN WHEN THIS BAND'S BRINGIN' BACK HARDSTYLE? WHAT THE FUCK IS HARDSTYLE? I FORGOT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE RAVED WITH TEENAGE FAGGOTS. I MEAN I'VE ONLY BEEN TO JAIL TWICE FOR MASTURBATION IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PLAYGROUNDS AND THE BRUTAL "HARDSTYLE" TREATMENT I'VE RECEIVED UP MY BUMHOLE FROM OTHER NIGGER INMATES IS THE LAST THING I EVER WANT THE RETURN OF. I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF HAVING MY PEE-PEE JERKED BY SOME COLOURED JAILBIRDS WHILE I'M ATTEMPTING TO TAKE A FUCKING DUMP IN THE PUBLIC INSTITUTIONAL STALLS, SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT THAT SORT OF SERVICE BY A BUNCH OF CONVICTS WHO HOWL LIKE THEY'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING DOGS???

FUCK YOU WAR HOUND.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

LOVE SEX MACHINE - SELF-TITLED

1. Anal On Deceased Virgin
2. Deafening Peepshow
3. Fucking Battle
4. Antagonism Can STFU
5. Plenty Of Feelings
6. Vagina Curse
7. Killed With A Monster Cock
8. Warstrike Takes The Piss


BRIEF REVIEW:

WELCOME TO THE YEAR OF 2012 WHERE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BAND SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME FROM EACH OTHER.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT BULLSHIT METALCORE CRAZE THROUGHOUT THE LAST DECADE THAT HAS ATTRACTED SO MUCH CRITICISM IN TERMS OF ITS OVERUSE OF WATERED DOWN DERIVATIVES OF EACH OTHER? STUPID CRITIQUES CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT BULLSHIT ALREADY BECAUSE IT ULTIMATELY BECAME A TREND TO BASH ON METALCORE MORE SO THAN APPRECIATING THE IMPACT THE GENRE ACTUALLY HAD IN OUR MUSICAL CULTURE. WHAT WAS AWFULLY IRONIC IS THAT JUST AS BANDS WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM USING REPETITIVE METALCORE ELEMENTS, THEY RESORTED TO THIS GAY-ASS DOOM, SLUDGE AND CRUST ELEMENTS THAT SOUNDS EVEN MORE STALE AND MONOTONOUS THAN EVER.

INTRODUCING LOVE SEX MACHINE. A BAND FULL OF FRENCH FAGGOTS WHO PROBABLY SPEAK LIKE THEY'VE ALL GOT FROGS STUCK IN THEIR MOUTHS. JUST AS YOU THINK YOU THINK THEIR FRENCH ACCENT IS OF SOMETHING BARBARICALLY UNBEARABLE, WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR THIS FUCKING HORSE DOO-DOO THAT PEOPLE CALL MUSIC. ALL IT IS IS SIMPLY EIGHT TRACKS OF BASS-HEAVY DROP-TUNED OPEN-CHORD GARBAGE THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN IMPENDING SEISMIC VOLCANO READY TO BLOW IN THE MIDST OF FIJI. AS EXCITING AS THAT MAY SOUND, THE FUCKING ISSUE IS THERE IS NOTHING "MUSICAL" ABOUT PLAYING AN OPEN CHORD. HERE, LET ME TAB OUT ONE OF THEIR SONGS (AND KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR TRACKS IN THIS ALBUM GOES):

000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000000-00000-0000-00-0000-000-000-000-000-00000-000-0000-000-000-000-000-00-0-0-000000-0000-0-000-0000000000--00000-0-0---00000

I'VE SEEN MORE ARTISTIC CREATIVITY IN BINARY COMPUTER PROGRAMMING YOU FUCKING DUMBASS PIECES OF HANDICAPS. IT MUST HAVE BEEN CHEAP TO BUY A GUITAR WITH ONLY ONE FRET YOU STUPID POVERTY-STRICKEN FAGGOTS. THE TAB SHEET LOOKS LIKE MY SPHERICAL SHIT NUGGETS POPPING OUT OF MY ANUS AFTER A WEEK'S DIET ON KRAFT DINNER AND RAMEN NOODLE RECIPES, YOU FUCKIN' CREATIVITY IMPAIRED RETARDS. I CAN JIZZ OVER A MUSIC TABULATION SHEET AND PRODUCE SOMETHING THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE A STADIUM MASTERPIECE COMPARED TO YOUR TONE-DEAF BULLSHIT. STOP COMPOSING WHAT YOU DEFINE AS "MUSIC" IMMEDIATELY YOU IMPAIRED BABOONS.

I'VE HEARD MORE MUSICAL INTEGRITY FROM MUTE NIGGERS SINGING ACAPELLA YOU DUMB FUCKS. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THERE'S A WHOLE MOVEMENT OF THIS APPALLING GARBAGE ON THROATRUINER RECORDS , SOME REDUNDANT FRENCH LABEL THAT SIGNS COUNTLESS GARBAGE BANDS LIKE THIS. I CAN JUST IMAGINE THEIR SHOWS CONSISTING OF A BUNCH OF STONED OUT METAL HEADS IN PONY TAILS MIXED IN WITH A FEW ODD LOOKING HARDCORE KIDS THAT FEEL OUT OF PLACE. HAHAHAHAHA. I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE THIS NEW MOVEMENT. GO GET YOUR ONE ARM AMPUTATED AND PLAY IN A BAND JUST AS GOOD AS THIS, YOU TALENTLESS GIMPS. ACTUALLY BETTER YET, JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SCENE.

AND CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE NAME OF THIS BAND? LOVE, SEX, MACHINE? LOVE, SEX, AND MASTURBATION IS MORE LIKE IT. EXCEPT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN GET FROM THE THREE EXCEPT FOR THE LAST ONE. BUT THEN AGAIN I WAS TO AMPUTATE MY ARMS TO PLAY THIS SHIT MUSIC, LOOKS LIKE I WON'T BE PERFORMING THE LAST ACTIVITY ON MYSELF EITHER. IT'S A FUCKING PITY. IMAGINE MAKING LOVE TO THIS FUCKING MUSIC: MY DICK WOULD BE SOFT FOR A WHOLE ENTIRE THIRTY MINUTES OF THIS ALBUM'S DURATION AND THE PAID HOOKER RIDING ON TOP OF ME WOULD PROBABLY THINK I HAVE A VAGINA FOR A NUT-SACK. THANK YOU FOR WASTING MY MONEY AND FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, LOVE SEX MACHINE.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

HOW IT ENDS - SO SHALL IT BE


1 Empty Nothing Forever
2 End the Suffering
3 Thou Shall Not
4 Imprisoned
5 Time Life Took
6 Dying Eyes
7 Savior
8 Hardest Lesson
9 Painkiller
10 Crippled
11 Still Bleeding

DOWNLOAD (LINK FIXED)

BRIEF REVIEW:

I'M SO SICK OF BEING A FUCKING FORTY-EIGHT YEAR OLD BALDING PEDOPHILE VIRGIN WHO'S SLOWLY BEING KILLED BY LONELINESS AND THE DEPRAVITY FROM VIEWING MACABRE CANNIBAL SNUFF PORNOGRAPHY, THAT I'VE POSTED AN AWESOME AD ON CRAIGSLIST SELLING MYSELF OUT TO POTENTIAL OVERS! FUCK YEAH! THIS IS THE GREATEST MASTERPIECE I'VE WRITTEN IN A LIFETIME AND I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL E-MAILS AND PHONE CALLS START POURING IN! YA BABY...

FASHIONABLE SOCIOPATH SEEKS SEVERAL-NIGHT STAND: MEN4WOMEN

SO WE'RE CLEAR, THE HEADLINE MEANS I WEAR MY HALF-HEARTED ANTI-SOCIAL SENTIMENT ON MY SLEEVE. WITH REGARDS TO DRESS I AM IN NO WAY FASHION SAVVY. ALSO, ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR IS NOT ASOCIAL BEHAVIOR. IT'S IMPORTANT TO NOTE THIS BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE CONFUSE ANTI-SOCIAL WITH NOT SOCIALIZING. THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME: A SERIES OF MIND-NUMBING CLARIFICATIONS. SUCH IS THE LIFE OF THE SHELTERED, SUPERFICIAL, DECEITFUL, MANIPULATIVE, MORALLY OBTUSE, PATHOLOGICALLY MISERABLE SYCOPHANT. ALSO, I DON'T MUCH SOCIALIZE.

                                                                
YES, YOU'VE GUESSED CORRECTLY. MY FASHIONABLE SOCIOPATHY AND FAIR-WEATHER REBELLION SPEAK OF A WORLD GONE COLD. WHAT HAPPENED IS THE EARTH EXPERIENCED AN EMOTIONAL ICE AGE IN THE 1990S. VIETNAM AND DESERT STORM WERE JUST RIPPLES, MAN. WE STILL HAD THE BAND FILTER, AND WANTED TO TAKE THEIR PICTURE. WE COULD STILL EXPRESS OUR OPINIONS THEN WITHOUT META AT A LEVEL OF MASTURBATORY PROPORTIONS. KURT KILLED HIMSELF STARTING A REVOLUTION OF ANGST AND SAD-BRAG MUSIC, AND SELF-PITY BECAME COOL INSTEAD OF THE PASSIVE ACCEPTANCE TOWARD SADNESS PREACHED BY BLUES. COLUMBINE CAME AND EFFECTIVELY MURDERED OUR TEEN SPIRIT. THE MATRIX BOTH ENLIGHTENED AND DESENSITIZED. COME Y2K SANITY WAS EFFECTIVELY DEAD AND ALONG WITH IT GOOD MANNERS.

NOW WE HAVE A SHALLOW SOCIETY OF ENDLESS SELF-REFERENCE. WHY NOT GO ALL OUT? FUCK THE DISINGENUOUS SARCASTIC LIGHTWEIGHTS OF THE INTERNET AGE. OR THE ENDLESS 3RD RATE CLONES OF BETTIE PAIGE. YOU KNOW WHY SHE STOOD OUT? BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T FOLLOW SOMEONE'S LEAD. NOW WE HAVE FAUX REVOLUTIONARIES WHO PROBABLY BELIEVE CHE GUEVARA WORE CHE GUEVARA TEES. "INTEGRITY IS A COMMODITY TRADED AS CARELESSLY AS POGS," SAID THE FOUNDING FATHERS OF THIS ONCE GREAT NATION. ALL IT TAKES IS INDIFFERENCE FROM GOOD MEN TO ENSURE THE TRIUMPH OF EVIL. WE NEED A HEDONIST. WE NEED ONE MAN TO GO TO THE DEPTHS OF AN EXTREME IDEAL; ONE THAT FAVORS PLEASURE-SEEKING, SHALLOW AFFECTIONS, AND BRIBES THE MASSES WITH THEIR OWN DESIRE TO BE LED. WE NEED THIS FIGURE TO TYPIFY ALL THAT ISN'T RIGHT. A FACE FOR THE MASSES TO POINT AT AND SAY, "THAT'S THE BAD GUY." A MAN WHO STANDS UP TO THIS DECAYING MODERN AGE AND PROCLAIMS: TO HELL WITH PETTY SARCASM. I'M LEVEL 2 IRONIC.

TO QUOTE COHEN, I'M YOUR MAN. COME TAKE A RIDE WITH ME AS WE BRING ON THE SINGULARITY. LIKE RYAN GOSLING IN DRIVE, YOUR PROTAGONIST IS A QUIET BUTTERFLY, GENTLY HANDLING THE TOOTHPICK FROM HIS PANDA EXPRESS SAMPLER. NEXT MINUTE HE'S EXPLOSIVE; POINTING AN IMAGINARY GUN-FINGER AT YOUR FACE AND STOMPING OUT THE HEAD OF AN OFFENDING HOTDOG VENDOR. COME FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS. NO ANTIHERO OF NATURAL BORN EVIL EVER MADE IT TO HOLLYWOOD WITHOUT A HOT LITTLE NUMBER BY HIS SIDE. DON'T TRUST ANYONE'S THE MOTTO, BUT IT NEVER HOLDS WATER WITH A FEMME FATALE. SHE'S CRAFTY AND SLY AND BASICALLY A ROBOT. COMPLACENCY IS THE TICKET WITH A PROSPECTIVE MATE. FORGET ROMANTIC DATES AND SPONTANEITY, YOU ARE TO BE AN ELABORATE BIOHAZARD BIN. YOU COLLECT MY SPECIMEN AND YOUR LID STAYS SHUT, YOU GOT THAT? THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING FOR THESE DAYS. THE COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS IS ACHING FOR A NECRO-EROTIC EXPERIENCE SO WE'VE DISTANCED OURSELVES WITH PORNOGRAPHY, PLASTIC TOY WOMEN, AND REAL WOMEN WITH PLASTIC ENHANCEMENTS.

THE PERILS OF MY DEVIL MAY CARE ATTITUDE ARE QUICKLY DIMINISHED BY ANY GLIB SLOGAN. "BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW THAN THE DEVIL YOU DON'T," I'LL QUOTE, SUBDUING YOU WITH A SUBCONSCIOUS REAFFIRMATION OF LOVE'S INEVITABLE SHACKLES. WORRY FREE, WE'LL BE LYING THERE, WITH YOUR HAND GRABBING MY SINISTER CHEST HAIR AS I RAVE ABOUT DEPRAVED ASPIRATIONS: MY LIFE GOAL OF MARRYING A LESBIAN SIMPLY FOR SELF-AGGRANDIZEMENT; MY DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR THAT INCLUDE HALLUCINATORY EPISODES WHERE I'M GIVEN A KEY TO THE CITY AND WORK AS A QUALITY ASSURANCE EXPERT FOR THE LOCAL ESCORT SERVICE. YOU'LL LIE THERE SLEEPING, MYSELF WIDE AWAKE AND HARDLY BLINKING, SILENTLY WATCHING YOU BREATHING. WHISPERING WORDS INTO YOUR SLEEP, ECHOED IN DREAMS, I'LL SAY, "TAKE ME TO YOUR MOTHER'S PLACE AND BUY MORE ROSE-PRINTED DUVETS," AS I SECRETLY ENJOY THOSE THINGS. YES, A DEAD-EYED REPTILE LIES AT YOUR SIDE, MORE DANGEROUS THAN DICK CHENEY AT A HUNTING RANGE.

DO WHAT FEELS WRONG IS MY MOTTO. IT'S A WASTE TO LEAVE HALF YOUR PSYCHE IN THE DARK. WE SHY FROM SHAME AND BELIEVE POSITIVE THINKING WILL PERPETUATE ITSELF WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING THE FULL PICTURE. ILLUMINATE THE DARK RECESSES, EXPLORE THE SHADY CORNERS AND SEE WHAT YOU FIND, I SAY. LIKE MY DESIRE FOR A DIMPLED SWEETHEART NAMED ANNA WHO WORKS AT A ZOO. SHE SPORTS PIGTAILS AND COMES HOME AND COMPLAINS ABOUT A HARD DAY OF GETTING PANDAS TO MATE. "THESE GOSH DANG PANDAS JUST REFUSE TO FUCK!" SHE YELLS. "WE GIVE THEM GREENS, MASSAGES, VIAGRA. WE STROKE THEIR PLYWOOD WITH COW-PRINTED OVEN MITTS TO MAKE THEM FEEL AT HOME, AND STILL NOTHING!" IN MY VISIONS, I RESPOND WITH, "THERE, THERE, HONEY," AND STROKE HER HAIR, AND CLEAR THE PANDA JIZZ FROM HER EAR. "PANDAS ARE CUTE," I CONTINUE. "IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO BESTIAL THEY'RE THE ONE TO DO IT WITH." COME NIGHT ANNA PLAYS THE ANIMAL TO GROTESQUE SEXUAL ENDEAVORS. SHE'S DRAGGED OUT BACK LIKE OLD YELLER GRUNTING AND YELPING AND HUMPING AT MY LEG AND BEGGING TO TAKE ONE BETWEEN THE EYES. EXCUSE ME, I'M GETTING BESIDE MYSELF.

IN A WOMAN A MIXTURE OF SEX APPEAL, INTELLECTUAL VACANCY, AND UNQUESTIONING SUBMISSION ARE KEY. THANK GOD FOR GOD, AS RELIGION SHAPES SOME OF THE BEST BROADS THIS SIDE OF COMMON SENSE. NOTHING'S MORE ALLURING THAN A WOMAN SWAYED BY SHAME AND STRICKEN WITH THE BUG OF SUBSERVIENCE. SHE MUST HOWEVER MAINTAIN A MODEST AMOUNT OF SMARTS AS TO MAINTAIN PROPER WEIGHT. MOTHER NATURE'S PARADOX DICTATES WOMEN OVER 140LBS OR 30 YEARS OF AGE COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE ATTRACTIVE, AND WOMEN UNDER 140LBS OR 30 YEARS OF AGE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE SEXUALLY MATURE. AS SUCH, THE PERFECT MATE IS 140 POUNDS AND SEEKING A ONE-NIGHTER FOR HER THIRTIETH BIRTHDAY. PROPORTIONAL BODIES ARE A MUST. AN HOURGLASS FIGURE IS IDEAL. THAT, OR A BODY RESEMBLING A DRAWING BY COMIC ARTIST ROBERT CRUMB. EVEN CELLULITE IS ALRIGHT, AS I LIKE THE IDEA OF AN ASS SO AMBITIOUS THE SKIN CAN BARELY CONTAIN IT.

LISTEN, I'M AN INSULTING, UNSAVORY GUY. UNLIKE MY SPUNK, WHICH I'M TOLD IS SALTY AND SAVORY. IRONY IS THE CURRENCY OF THE UNIVERSE. EVERY OPINION HAS A FOOTNOTE. EVERY STANCE YOU CAN TAKE, EVERY VIEW YOU CAN HAVE, HAS A MILLION TINY STRINGS ATTACHED TO IT AND ABOUT HALF OF THEM CONTRADICT. DESPITE BEING POLITE, MEAN PEOPLE DESERVE TO BE MORTALLY BEATEN WITH LEMON-MARINATED CHICKEN LEGS, SO THE BURNING CITRUS COLLIDES WITH THEIR BITTER DISPOSITIONS FOR AN ADDED SENSE OF POETIC JUSTICE. DESPITE RECOGNIZING THE BEAUTY OF LOVE, ITS LOSS COULD DRIVE YOU TO CRUSH THROUGH A CROWDED SCHOOLYARD IN A MONSTER TRUCK SPORTING A PEDOBEAR EMBLEM AND A SWASTIKA. DESPITE SEEKING A HEIGHTENED AWARENESS, ONE CAN'T DENY THE SOUL'S OBSESSION WITH SADISM, SELF-DESTRUCTION, AND SASHA GREY. DESPITE SIDING WITH TOLERANCE, ANYONE LACKING TOLERANCE FOR THE INTOLERANT SHOULD BE NUDGED INTO A VAT OF SULFURIC ACID, BECAUSE FUCK YOU, REASON AND IRRATIONALITY MEET ON THE SAME DEAD END STREET. IT'S THE YIN. IT'S THE YANG. IT'S THE DUALITY OF MAN, SIR.

SHOULD YOU NOT BE SOLD AS OF YET AS TO MY SINCERITY, HERE ARE SOME REAL LIFE QUOTES BY SATISFIED FEMALE COUNTERPARTS:

"YOU'RE KIND OF AN ASSHOLE BUT I LIKE THAT."
"FEEL HOW WET I AM."

"YOU DESERVE LONELINESS THEN DEATH."


IF YOU WISH TO RIDE THE COATTAILS OF MY GIFT AND PROMISE TO LET A PLAYER BREATHE, I'LL PROJECT MY LOVE LIKE A LIGHTHOUSE HOMING IN A SHIP FROM SEA, AND WHEN YOU ARRIVE I'LL HAVE PREPARED A FEAST, AND A NIGHT OF PASSION, SHOULD YOU WIN AT A ROUND OF CRIBBAGE. OTHERWISE, HIT THE BLEACHERS. NO INUITS.

FUCK YES, I'M STOKED AS HELL FOR THIS. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE DAY THAT I LOSE MY ANAL VIRGINITY BY HAVING SOME HUGE BLACK GORILLA COCK SHOVED SO FAR UP MY TIGHT RECTAL TUBE THAT IT COMES OUT OF MY LEFT EYE SOCKET.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

VEIL OF MAYA - [id]

1. "[id]" 0:43
2. "Unbreakable" 3:45
3. "Dark Passenger" 3:33
4. "The Higler" 3:00
5. "Martyrs" 1:14
6. "Resistance" 3:01
7. "Circle" 1:03
8. "Mowgli" 3:03
9. "Namaste" 3:30
10. "Conquer" 2:56
11. "Codex" 3:25


BRIEF REVIEW:

DO YOU REMEMBER BACK IN 2008 WHEN THIS WHOLE ENTIRE DJENT MOVEMENT FIRST CAME OUT? IT WAS A BUNCH OF SHITTY METALCORE BANDS RIPPING OFF AN EVEN SHITTIER METAL GIANT 'MESHUGGAH', CREATING WHAT WAS ULTIMATELY "MESHUGGAHCORE". I'M SORRY BUT UNLESS YOUR DRUMMER IS A OCTOPUS-HUMAN HYBRID, THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU CAN EVER REPLICATE MESHUGGAH'S INHUMAN POLY-RHYTHMIC PATTERNS YOU FUCKING TRY-HARD WANNABE'S. AND THAT IS ANOTHER PROOF FOR EURO-CENTRIC SWEDISH SUPREMACY: THEIR POPULATION IS SO FUCKING SUPERIOR TO THE AVERAGE HUMAN BEINGS THAT THEY'RE EVOLVING INTO GROTESQUE HALF-OCTOPUSES AND HALF MEN. WHICH I CAN'T REALLY SEE THE BENEFIT FOR THIS WORLD TO HAVE IN TERMS OF NATURAL SELECTION, BUT I CAN DEFINITELY SEE THE AMAZING BENEFITS SUCH TENTACLES WOULD HAVE IN FONDLING MY ABNORMALLY HUGE NUTSACK AND PROBING MY JUNGLE-LIKE ANUS HOLE EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. DEAR DRUMMER OF MESHUGGAH: QUIT YOUR LAUGHABLE NON-CAREER DRUMMING FOR A FAGGOT METAL BAND AND COME PROBE MY RECTUM ON A NIGHTLY BASIS FOR EQUAL, IF NOT BETTER PAY!!!

BUT SERIOUSLY LISTEN TO ME, THIS DJENTCORE CRAP IS THE WORST SHIT EVER YOU STUPID FUCKIN FAGGOTS. FIRST AND FOREMOST, WHAT THE FUCK IS "DJENT"? HOW DO YOU EVEN PRONOUNCE THAT FUCKING WORD? IT SOUNDS LIKE A DOWN SYNDROME KID TRYING TO MIMIC HELEN KELLER DURING HER FIRST FUCKING WORDS EVER WHILE GETTING FUCKED UP THE ASS BY A DYING NIGGER BEING HUNG IN HER BACKYARD. WHY MUST YOU RAPE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WORSE THAN NIGGERS HAVE RAPED IT WITH RAP MUSIC? UNACCEPTABLE. SECOND OF ALL, I DON'T CARE IF YOUR GUITARIST PLAYS ON A GUITAR WITH MORE STRINGS THAN HE'S GOT FINGERS AND TOES BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR A SINGLE STATIC NOTE EVER WHEN HE ROLLS HIS FUCKING WHOLE BODY ACROSS THE FRET BOARD WHILE EXPLORING EVERY MAJOR AND MINOR OF A PENTATONIC SCALE. I MEAN IT'S GREAT THAT YOU KNOW YOUR NOTES FAGGOT BUT IF I WANTED TO HEAR YNGWIE MALMSTEEN THEN I'D SIMPLY JUST KILL MYSELF ALREADY YOU STUPID DOUCHEBAGS. THIRDLY, I FUCKING HATE THE KEYBOARD AND DJ CRAP AS WELL THAT MAKES THE WHOLE SHIT SOUND LIKE A MECHANIC RAVE SET THAT WENT HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG. LIKE WHAT IS THIS... THE CRADLE FILTH VS. SLIPKNOT OF 2012? IF YOU WANT TO DO ELECTRONICS THEN FUCKING DO ELECTRONICS. STOP PALM MUTING THOSE GUITARS IN THE MIDST OF ALL THAT MESSY ELECTRONIC AMBIENCE AND MAKE IT SOUND LIKE ALL YOUR GEARS ARE MALFUNCTIONING AND BREAKING DOWN YOU GODDAMN IDIOTS. IF YOU DISLIKE YOUR INSTRUMENTS THAT MUCH AND WANT TO MAKE IT BREAK DOWN THEN I'LL DO YOU A FAVOUR AND ROB YOU FAGGOTS THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE PLAYING IN MY GODDAMN HOOD AND PUT YOUR SAD MUSICAL CAREER OUT OF ITS MISERY, YOU FUCKING STUPID BUTCHEY DYKES. FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID MUSIC.

WHAT GOT WORSE AFTER THIS MUSIC CAME OUT IS THAT NOW WE HAVE A RETARDED SPLIT OF KIDS FROM TWO MUSIC COMMUNITIES WHO CONSTANTLY WAIL OUT ON EACH OTHER AT THESE STUPID FUCKING DJENTCORE SHOWS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA OF THE HARDCORE CULTURE. NEXT FUCKING FAT ASS LONG-HAIRED FAGGOT I SEE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN DURING SOME "BOUNCE BREAKDOWN" GETS STABBED RIGHT IN THE EYES BY MY UNHYGIENIC TEN FOOT LONG TOE NAIL YOU FUCKING APPALLING APES. 

I FUCKING LOATHE METALHEADS, OR SIMPLY JUST ANY KID AT METAL SHOWS IN GENERAL. I'M DRIVING A FUCKING STEAMROLLER TO THE NEXT SHOW AND FLATTENING OUT ANY FAGGOT WHO PUSH MOSHES INTO MY VEHICLE YOU PRE DEVELOPED TEENY FUCKING  BOUNCING FAGGOTS.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

SINCE THE FLOOD - VALOR AND VENGEANCE

1. Valor And Vengeance
2. These Scars
3. In My Way
4. 24K
5. Up In Arms
6. The Only Way
7. In My Eyes
8. Enough Said
9. For Today
10. This World Is Dead To Me
11. Laid To Rest

DOWNLOAD
(LINK FIXED YOU ONCE-EDGE RUM-BINGING ALCOHOLIC XSINGLEFATHERSX)

BRIEF REVIEW:

OH LOOK IT'S ANOTHER FSU AFFILIATED BAND FROM THE EAST COAST OF THIS SHIT DUMPSTER-OF-A-NATION. A BUNCH OF STUPID TOUGH GUY MEATHEADS WHO CLAIM CREW STATUSES WHILE THUGGIN' OUT IN THEIR HICKY ASS SUBURBS. HOLY FUCKING WHITE TRASH HORROR. THE PRIVATIZED HEALTHCARE WAITING ROOMS MUST BE PACKED WITH INBREDS WAITING AFTER THEIR WIFE/SISTER'S WATER WHICH BROKE THE NIGHT BEFORE WHEN THEY WERE PLAYING DARTS AT THE BAR AND CHUCKING IT STRAIGHT AT THE WOMEN'S FAT FUCKING TUMMIES.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AMAZING THAT EVERY SINGLE BAND NATE JOHNSON HAS BEEN IN COMPLETELY COLLAPSED TO ABSOLUTE SHIT?!  IT'S A WONDER WHY NOBODY CAN TOLERATE THE GUY... MUST BE HIS UNBEARABLE VOCAL CHORDS AND LACK OF HYGIENE I ASSUME, THAT FUCKING HICKY ASS REDNECK WHITE TRASH. FROM DEADWATER DROWNING TO THROUGH THE EYES OF THE DEAD TO THIS FUCKING BAND BEFORE GOING INTO BUCKHUNTER, TURMOIL AND FIT FOR AN AUTOPSY. HOW MANY FUCKING BANDS ARE YOU GOING TO PUT ON YOUR GODDAMN RESUME BEFORE GETTING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM TO DISBAND? THIS GUY MUST BE EXERCISING SOME POWERFUL VOCAL CHORDS IN ORDER TO LAND THAT MANY OPPORTUNITIES. AND OF COURSE BY EXERCISING HIS VOCAL CHORDS I MEAN NONE OTHER THAN SUCKING THE DICKS OF EVERY BAND MEMBERS BEFORE GETTING TIRELESSLY THROWN OUT AND PASSED AROUND. HOLY FUCK. EAST COAST HARDCORE FUCKING SUCKS. GO FUCK YOURSELVES (AND EACH OTHER BEFORE DISBANDING, OF COURSE... GO FUCKING FIGURE).

FIGHT ME AT THE NEXT SHOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOT MIDDLE-AGED DOUCHES.

Friday, May 11, 2012

FULL OF HELL & CODE ORANGE KIDS SPLIT

01 FULL OF HELL FOX WOMB
02 FULL OF HELL DAMP REEDS IN A RIVER
03 CODE ORANGE KIDS IV (MY MIND'S A PRISON)
04 CODE ORANGE KIDS V (MY BODY'S A WELL)


BRIEF REVIEW:

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MODERN CRUST-TRASH BRIGE-NINE & DEATHWISH-INC ENDORSED BANDS LACK CREATIVITY AND PRODUCTIVITY? IN TODAY'S WORLD, THEY GET POPULAR! HOW? IT'S EASY... FOLLOW THIS STEP TO STEP MANUAL IN GETTING YOUR BAND HEARD SUCCESSFUL:

  • THROW FOUR MOST CUSTIEST LOOKING ASSHOLES TOGETHER IN A SUBURBAN BASEMENT AND MAKE SURE NONE OF THEM ARE (1) WILLING TO ADMIT THEY WERE SCENE KIDS FIVE YEARS AGO WHO USED TO LISTEN TO AN ABUNDANCE OF POST-HARDCORE, METALCORE AND DEATHCORE AND (2) ABLE TO PLAY THEIR INSTRUMENTS (AS LONG AS THE DRUMMER IS SEMI-DECENT EVERYTHING SHALL BE FINE).
  • NAME YOUR BAND SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING STUPID AND IRRELEVANT. COMPOSE THREE TWO-MINUTE SONGS, NAME THOSE SOMETHING THAT WOULD ONLY COME OUT OF A THIRD GRADER'S IMAGINATION.
  • RECORD YOUR TRACKS WITH YOUR DIGITAL CAMERA OR CELLPHONE TO PRODUCE SOMETHING OF AWFUL QUALITY. CREATE A BANDCAMP PAGE, AND GIVE YOUR MUSIC SOME REDUNDANT GENRE (POST BLACKENED JOCKY-POWERVIOLENCE DOOMY CRUSTCORE).
  • STAND FOR A COMBINATION OF ETHICS AND VALUES THAT ARE COMPLETELY ABSURD AND RIDICULOUS ("VEGAN PRO-MUSLIM ANTI-CHAUVINIST  FEMINIST-ENDORSED BUT PRO-LIFE EDGE GRIND").
  • RELEASE YOUR EP AS A SPLIT WITH ANOTHER BAND THAT'S JUST AS FUCKING SHITTY AS YOURS. CHOOSE AN UNCONVENTIONAL MULTIMEDIA FORMAT (CASSETTE, THREE-INCH VINYL, VCR, OR MOVIE ROLLS) THAT NOBODY CAN EVER FUCKING PLAY IN ANY TYPICAL HOUSEHOLDS. HAND DRAWN ALL YOUR SHITTY ALBUM COVERS AND EMPHASIZE THAT IT'S BECAUSE YOU SUPPORT THE DIY ETHICS. MAKE SURE YOU BRAND IT AS SOMETHING OF A RARE COLLECTIBLE, AND RELEASE ONLY TWENTY OF THEM SO YOUR FANS CAN PURCHASE AT AN OVERPRICED RATE, ONLY TO SELL IT ON EBAY FOR THREE TIMES THE PRICE.
  • ARRANGE A TOUR ALL OVER YOUR STATE AND CARRY A CREW OF IDIOTS THAT WILL ROUGH HOUSE THE BARS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, CAUSING HARM TO THE TEN PATRONS THAT ARE STUPID OR DEAF ENOUGH TO WATCH YOUR BAND. AND MAKE SURE YOUR FANS MOSH LIKE EITHER COMPLETE IDIOTS WITH NO KINESTHETIC IDEA OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING, OR COMPLETE TOUGH GUY ASSHOLES. HALF HALF IS A GREAT MIX AT THESE SHOWS.
  • SUCK SO BAD THAT NO VENUES OR PROMOTERS WANNA BOOK YOU. THEN PLAY OTHER PEOPLE'S BASEMENTS FOR SHOWS. MAKE NO MONEY WHATSOEVER.
  • HAVE AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF BUTT SEX WITH EACH OTHER WITH THE HELP OF DRUM STICKS AND GUITAR STRAPS.
I AM FUCKING SICK OF THESE TRENDY HIPSTER BLACKED DEATH POWERVIOLENCE CRUST BANDS THAT CARRIES THE EIGHTIES' YOUTH CREW HARDCORE MENTALITY. YOU'RE NOT HARDCORE. YOU'RE NOT PUNK. YOU'RE NOT METAL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE, BUT IT SURE AS FUCK ISN'T ORIGINAL. THE ONLY THING I CAN CLASSIFY YOU FAGGOTS UNDER, IS NONE OTHER THAN JUST GAY.

FUCK OFF FAGGOTS.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

EXALT - BREACH FALSE MINDS

01. Loss/Rejoice
02. Misled
03. Warmth & Winter
04. Partisan Eyes
05. Empty Dreamer/Frail As Feathers
06. No Son
07. Serpents At My Feet
08. Onward
09. Pray For Release
10. Rejoice/Loss


BRIEF REVIEW:

I'M NO GOOD AT REVIEWING THE MERIT OF OTHER BAND'S MUSIC AND PRODUCTIONS, BUT I CAN SURE AS HELL RIDICULE A BAND ON EVERYTHING BUT THE MUSIC ITSELF, TO NO END. WITH THAT BEING SAID, THE LEAD SINGER OF THIS BAND IS AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING LUNATIC... AND HE'S QUITE UGLY TOO WHICH IS AN ATROCITY TO HUMANITY. (YOU KNOW YOUR BAND SUCKS WHEN YOUR LEAD SINGER'S UGLY). I WONDER IF HE JUST SIMPLY PUTS OFF HIS ANTI-PSYCHOTIC MEDICATIONS EVERY TIME THEY PLAY A FUCKING SHOW, FOR WHICH THE TEMPORARY WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS INCLUDE RUNNING IN CIRCLES ON STAGE AND BEING A FRANTIC MONKEY, SCREAMING POETICALLY IN A MONOLOGUE OR SOLILOQUY AS IF HE'S THE NEXT WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. WRONG, ASSHOLE. YOU ARE NOT SHAKESPEARE AND EVEN IF SO, NOBODY IS INTERESTED IN SHAKESPEARECORE. BECAUSE NOBODY CAN FUCKING UNDERSTAND A SINGLE WORD OF YOUR RAMBLING WHEN YOU'RE SCREAMING BLOODY-MARY INTO THE FUCKING AIR LIKE A PATIENT FROM THE INSANE ASYLUM. THIS FUCKING DEMENTED GOOF THINKS HE'S SOME SUPREME POETIC ARTIST ON STAGE, WHILE POST-SECONDARY PSYCHOLOGY GRADUATES ATTEND HIS SHOWS TO TAKE NOTES TO WRITE THEIR THEORETICAL CLINICAL THESES. NEWS FLASH DICKHEAD, SCREAMING BY YOURSELF GETS YOU NOTHING BECAUSE NOBODY IS TALKING TO YOU. GODDAMN, SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY. OTHER PATIENTS IN THIS MENTAL WARD'S TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP TOO.

I ONCE GOT LOCKED UP IN A PSYCH WARD BECAUSE I MIXED TWENTY-THREE HITS OF ACID INTO MY MILK DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE RAN OUT OF CEREAL IN MY WELFARE BUNGALOW. AS I JUMPED OFF MY SECOND STORY WINDOW IN MY LOUSY ATTEMPT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, SOME ASSHOLES IN PUBLIC DIALED 911 AND THE PARAMEDICS CAME AND STRAPPED ME ONTO A FUCKING STRETCHER. AND BECAUSE I WAS SO FUCKED OFF MY MIND ON LSD, I WAS EXPERIENCING THE GREATEST DEJA-VU AND SCREAMING FOR MY STEP-DAD TO STOP POKING MY RECTUM WITH HIS SAUSAGE AS HE DID SO DELIGHTFULLY FOUR DECADES AGO WHEN I WAS A VULNERABLE LITTLE MUNCHKIN. WITH ALL THESE FLASHBACKS WERE FLYING BY MY HALLUCINATING EYES, I WAS SCREAMING AND PUKING MUDKIPS IN THE AMBULANCE. AS THE VEHICLE WAS RUSHING IT HIT A SPEEDBUMP AND I COMPLETELY SHAT MY PANTS, ALL YOU SAW WAS POOP EXPLODING ALL OVER THE FUCKING STRETCHER. BECAUSE I ALSO HAVEN'T WIPED MY ASS IN THE PAST TWO DECADES, THE WHOLE VEHICLE SMELLED SO GODDAMN AWFUL THAT THE DRIVER ASPHYXIATED TO DEATH ON SITE AND RAN THE VEHICLE INTO A FUCKING DAYCARE CENTER. WHEN THE NATIONAL BREAKING NEWS CAME TO FILM THE EVENT ON REAL-TIME, ALL YOU CAN SEE BEHIND THE NEWSCASTERS WERE LITTLE TODDLERS ROLLING AROUND IN THE BACK OF THE BROKEN PARAMEDICS VEHICLE ALL SMEARED IN MY HIV-POSITIVE SHIT.

NEEDLESS TO SAY WHEN THE BAND SAW THIS INCIDENT ON THE NEWS, THEY WERE BEYOND IMPRESSED AND GOT IN TOUCH WITH ME TO ASK THEM TO TRY OUT FOR VOCALS. BECAUSE I WAS STILL TRIPPIN BAWLS ON ACID AFTER THE FIRST 180 DAYS OF THE EVENT, I THOUGHT I WAS MOTHERFUCKING KING TUT LIVING IN A PYRAMID THUS COULD NOT RESPOND TO THEIR REQUEST COHERENTLY. SO LESS FAVOURABLY, AS A SECOND CHOICE THEY GOT THE GOOF THEY HAVE NOW FOR VOCALS. GO FUCKING FIGURE. BUT YET IT IS STILL UNDENIABLE THAT I CAN PLEA INSANITY BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD, SO FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING GODDAMN FAGGOTS.