DEAD ON THE DANCE FLOOR: BOSTON BEATDOWN

BRIEF REVIEW:

WATCHING SUCH ACTION FROM THE COWARDLY COMFORT OF MY OWN LUXURIOUS HOME GIVES ME EVERY BIT OF OPPORTUNITY TO GET AWAY WITH TALKING AS MUCH SHIT AS I POSSIBLY CAN, BEING THE HUGE PUSSY I AM! I CAN'T WAIT TO KICK ALL THEIR FUCKING ASSES IF I EVER WALK THE STREETS OF BOSTON!! WHOOHOO! ... EXCEPT EVERY SINGLE FIGHT FOOTAGE ON THIS DVD MADE ME COWER BEHIND MY FUCKING TOILET AS I VOMIT INTO THE BASIN IN SHEER DISGUST AND TERROR. BUT ALLOW ME TO ASSURE YOU THAT IF I EVER SAW THESE FUCKERS MIRACULOUSLY WALKING DOWN MY STREET, THE RESULTS SHALL BE A DIFFERENT STORY! IN FACT, I'LL TIE MY RIGHT ARM TO MY BACK AND PUMMEL THEM ALL HALF-CONSCIOUS WITH MY LEFT! DEATH BEFORE DISHONOUR HAS NO SHIT ON ME! THAT'S RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, I SAID IT RIGHT BEHIND THE SAFETY ZONE OF THE INTERNET! ARE YOU GOING TO DOWNLOAD YOURSELF THROUGH THESE SERIES OF TUBES AND COME GET ME YOU INTIMIDATING ASSHOLES? NO NO PLEASE DON'T!! *WATERFALLING A HUGE POOL OF TEARS LIKE THE BLATANTLY OBVIOUS PUSSY I AM*

SO WHAT IF I'M A FLABBY HANDICAPPED LIMP IN REALITY? LEAST I TAKE PRIDE IN MY VITRIOLIC VERBAL ASSAULTS ONLINE! YAY, HURRAY FOR MY LIFE! BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING LETHAL AND POWERFUL WITH THIS CAPS-LOCKED KEYBOARD OF MINE. IT'S LIKE I'M FUCKING SPITTING FIRE EVERY TIME I WANK AWAY ON THIS STUPID BLOG. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU HATERS GOING TO DO? HARDCORE DANCE INTO MY FACE YOU ASSWIPES? OHHH!!!!!! DON'T MAKE ME STAB YOU WITH A STAPLE TO THE POINT OF DEATH YOU USELESS FUCKING FAGGOTS!

MAN THIS VIDEO GAVE ME NOTHING BUT A BAD RECURRING DEJA VU OF MYSELF IN MIDDLE SCHOOL WHEN THE LUNCH MONEY I RECEIVED ON A DAILY BASIS IS INSUFFICIENT TO THE BULLY'S DEMANDS. I ENDED UP HAVING TO GIVE THEM BRAINS ON CERTAIN DAYS BEHIND THE HALLWAY'S HEATING MACHINES JUST TO AVOID UNSPEAKABLE BEATINGS!! TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, ON CERTAIN DAYS THEY MADE ME REGURGITATE THE POOL OF SPERM BEFORE PUSHING IT ACROSS THE TRAFFIC BLOCK WITH MY FUCKING TONGUE!!! AHHHHH!!! HELP ME!

I'M IMPRESSED AT THE QUALITY OF THE DVD IN DEPICTING SUCH VIOLENT CULTURE IN THE BOSTON METROPOLIS. PERHAPS THEY CAN FOLLOW THIS VOLUME WITH A NEW DOCUMENTATION ON THE CITY'S EFFECTIVENESS OF GOVERNING AND POLICING. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE COPS DURING ALL THIS CATASTROPHIC BULLSHIT? ARE THEY TOO BUSY GAMBLING THEIR SHIFTS AWAY IN THE BASEMENT OF A FUCKING ITALIAN BAR? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL URBAN DYSTOPIA? HEY YOU, BOSTONIANS, DO YOU GUYS EVER TRY EXPRESSING YOUR VOICE AGAINST THIS FUCKING CIVIL WAR WHICH IS THE STREETS YOU WALK ON? I HOPE YOU AREN'T BEING RAPED WITH TAX EXPENDITURES BECAUSE I'M SURE THE ONLY FUCKING THING IT'S BEING USED FOR IS THE TRANSACTION FEE OF THE MAYOR'S SWEET SWEET LINED SUGAR ABSORBED UP THE FILTHY FUCKING NOSE.

NOTE TO THE SUBJECTS FEATURED ON THIS DVD COMPILATION: NO DON'T HURT ME PLEASE?! OKAY I HONESTLY DID NOT TYPE ANYTHING FEATURED ABOVE THIS PARAGRAPH. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I HAVE NO CLUE HOW IT GOT ON THERE, PERHAPS SOME STRANGE REACTION OF PARTICLE PHYSICS. PLEASE GIVE ME A BENEFIT OF DOUBT... I'M SERIOUSLY SCARED DEATHLESS OF YOU GUYS. WAHHH, JUST LET ME PRESERVE THE LAST FEW LIVELY YEARS OF MY MIDDLE AGED SINGLE LIFE BEFORE I ULTIMATELY END IT MYSELF!! NO NEED TO DO IT FOR ME... I SWEAR!! *HIDING BEHIND MY MOTHER'S FAT LARD*

DON'T MAKE ME DIAL 911 ON YOU ALL! I DON'T LIKE TO, BUT I WILL!!